(OK, I'm trying my best not to think too hard... so this is knee jerk problem solving)

If you are certain that the FIND and REPLACE strings are same length, then...

Many issues here.  You can turn off triggers, but should you?

What checks are you going to make to ensure that the inserted string does not cause the data to exceed...

Why wood you think that?

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ACK!  I'd take a thousand incorrect uses of than/then over a single "gee, can somebody show me how to solve this problem using a cursor?"  or...

Answered many times and many ways.  Try a search on this site for:

"variable column names"

Sure, but you're going to have to use a stored proc and dynamic SQL.

Unless you know in advance what the columns are always going to be.

"...I, too, think it is too bad that John views Christians as poor developers.  But, having been one for some time now, I can see some of his point..."

OK, maybe...

Other then that, how'd you like the play Mrs. Lincoln?

Nope, I've got plenty religious friends.  More so now that I've learned to not mention that I'm an atheist: despite me never talking about religion, it makes them uncomfortable just...

My advice is a step back from things: What are your personal midrange goals and long term goals?

Do you want to work at this place forever?  Then learn the beaurocracy...

Actually I don't recall... I know I've attempted to be funny at times, but nothing comes to mind.

I have been meaning to write a followup to many of the you've-got-to-be-kidding...

This seems to be yet another example of the insane behaviour of intollerance to intollerance. 

The funny thing is that the silliness about religion in Sean's article was probably the...

Have you tried reading the help about identity insert?

There's a clue in the message even: column list is required.

It is the nature of identity columns to increment themselves, why do...

Yikes!

"...The second thing is DTS is a very intuitive tool..."

Now I have to wonder how bad SSIS is.  DTS is a great tool that seems to never have gotten past the...

You haven't provided enough info to tell you what's the best:

Is it a one time only or recurring need (e.g. weekly load)?

Do you wish to preserve formatting (like the bullets...

OK this does not compute:

"Server b only has the SQL server client tools installed...

we are running xp_sendmail on that server. "

xp_sendmail will only run on an actual SQL Server box.  If...