Just off the top of my head: what about using MSDE (Micro$oft Data Engine) and put that on the DVD, along with everything else?

Okay, here goes - this is the entire trigger:

CREATE TRIGGER [PostTransactions_inserted] ON dbo.PostTransactions

FOR INSERT

AS

SET NOCOUNT ON

IF (SELECT affectsBalance FROM inserted) = -1

BEGIN

DECLARE @thisClient AS int

DECLARE @thisPhone AS varchar(20)

SET...