Just remember: if you're ever attacked by clowns, go for the juggler. (jugular)

Random thought to the group: I wonder if he could grab the system trace files, throw them somewhere to take them out of play, then "fn_trace_gettable" them into a table...

I'm with Grant, this post doesn't have enough information.  Among the potential causes are blocking, locks, triggers firing, calculated columns with functions, I/O bottlenecks, page splits, linked servers, circus bears...

@Grant

FWIW, the "relatively" sane *grin* members of our community respect and appreciate you and all other authors, bloggers, posters, etc. that have given guys like me the inside scoop on...

Sorry for the coffee-fueled rant.😀

How useful would I be as a DBA if I -just- knew about databases and -absolutely nothing- about servers, TCP/IP, network connectivity, application...

LOL

I've had "those days" as well & can relate. I typically blame a lack of enough coffee, conveniently omitting the definition of "enough"...

When I get the opportunity I'll certainly...

I'd used a private "DBA" database for years until my latest position which involves a large farm of database servers dedicated to a prominent third party ERP software product. ...

Addendum: I use dynamic SQL for a lot of DBA work - ad hoc work that doesn't require a cached execution plan because it only runs when I want it...

I encourage the "demo" mindset. The box of paper exercise would feel good but would kill the working relationship you have with these guys. Personally, my best experience...

@JeffM:

I can give you an example but I'll put a disclaimer right up front: it's not a great example or even a great reason to do it, but here's my...

"..on their feet..."

I literally laughed out loud. Good one.

Steve nailed it with tremendous eloquence.

I'd been working "in data" since my days at Fox Software, then Microsoft (laughing again)...

"There's a sucker born every minute."

-- Most likely by David Hannum, in criticism of both P.T. Barnum and his customers.

The proof is Verizon's cloud customer list.

I'm not sure if anybody is still following this thread but I came across something recently that might apply:

DECLARE @x TABLE (

[RecID] ...

I see more "Pro" than "Con" here. Most of my employers have provided substantial bonuses to management levels. One such employer forgot that IT printed the paychecks and...

@sifar786

This forum has the best SQL Server minds...