If you're moving to SQL Server 2000, perhaps you could consider taking advantage of the new feature of using table returning User Defined Functions. For a primer on this...

If the objective is to send an email from within your VB app when a particular function is called within the VB app, I'd be inclined to make use of...

I use sp_help to obtain much of what I need to know about a table. Such as all its columns, Identity columns, RowGuid columns, Index names and keys, and...