You just might be a DBA if.....
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Since there are many definitions today of what a DBA is I thought it might be fun to define what one is Jeff Foxworthy style. Here is a start.
You might jiust be a DBA if....
You report to the CIO and are responsible for the data plan, and data integrety rules for the next five year plan
You know what "The key, the whole key and nothing but the key means"
You know what it means when you see
Select a.z,a.y.b.x from t1 a, t2 b
where a.z = b.z and 1=0
You know what CASE stands for
You know how to interpret queries or explains and plan tables to tune for efficiencies
You can sit down with a customer who knows absolutely nothing about SQL or databases but has a need and you develop a database that is in 3NF
William H. Hoover
Louisville, Ky
William H. Hoover
Louisville, Ky
sweeper_bill@yahoo.com -
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Or (more in the spirit)
Your servers rest on concrete blocks on the data center.
You might not be a DBA if you think the best way to delete a table is with a .38
Steve Jones
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Or you might just be a DBA if...
everyone comes to you when there is a problem with the data only to hear you respond that it is a data entry problem and not a database problem.
someone reports that a particular database must be down since they can't see any data. After investigating you respond, the database is fine and so is the stored procedure you are calling. Send in the proper variables and values and you will see the data.
Robert Marda
Robert W. Marda
Billing and OSS Specialist - SQL Programmer
MCL Systems -
You response to anyone coming to your desk is:
"I am looking into it." or "Give it a moment, it got blasted for reports."
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Or
your development efforts are interupted every 5 minutes by someone stating there is a database problem that needs immediate attention.
Robert Marda
Robert W. Marda
Billing and OSS Specialist - SQL Programmer
MCL Systems -
Or you suffer from numerous ID10T errors throughout the day.
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Or your wife asks you to figure out which kids want chocolate ice cream at the birthday party and you instantly start coding the query in SQL.
K. Brian Kelley
http://www.sqlservercentral.com/columnists/bkelley/
K. Brian Kelley
@kbriankelley -
...your grocery list is normalized.
...your wife catches you normalizing the papers on the refrigerator door.
(Do I see a food theme going on here? I'm headed for the break room.)
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It makes your blood boil at client sites when you see
User: sa
Password: <blank>
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Every time you see a peanut cluster you wonder why it isn't indexed.
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...You debate adding an index or deleting a user for performance improvement.
...Your office walls are fully covered with diagrams and ‘post-it’ notes.
...Your spouse is not suspicious of one a.m. phone calls.
...You have to replace your pager batteries every other day.
...The new mission critical application is fully coded before you are asked to do a logical model on it.
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....u r seen scouring the DBA support websites for help regarding database tuning or administration regarding cases which u haven't encountered till now... 🙂
Rohit Kaul -
Your conversations start.
'No I can't. Now what did you want.'
Cursors never.
DTS - only when needed and never to control.
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