Today's Random Word!

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Today's Random Word!

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Paul White SSC Guru Points: 150467 More actions · Answer 1

Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Man humming theme to Jaws after trip to dentist
Berm, beam, berm, beam...

You need help, Mr Morris...:laugh:

I think your mind has been warped by the dense and opposing gravitational fields you appear to encounter daily at work. 'H' you say...? :blink: :Wow:

Paul White
SQLPerformance.com
SQLkiwi blog
@SQL_Kiwi

ChrisM@Work SSC Guru Points: 186127 More actions · Answer 2

Tom.Thomson (4/7/2010)
Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Tom.Thomson (4/7/2010)
Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Quiver
(Janey from accounts just swished past)
Oh dear, your sig is a little suggestive after that message. I hope she doesn't get to see it:-D.
You think that's suggestive? Here's a verbatim part of an email broadcast a few moments ago:
"Is there a 32 H in the building today who could try on a bra for me?"
It can be darned difficult to work here sometimes.
I still think that quiver + Janey just swished past + low hanging fruit picker is thoroughly funny, but
that H is mindboggling.
What part of Scotland are you from, Tom?
A very long time ago Wester Ross. I spent a few years in the Edinburgh area too. But I've spent far more time out of Scotland than in it, and I'm only in the country a few days a year these days.
Which end of the world are you from?

Leamington for this contract, but spent childhood in Morayshire, holidaying at Ullapool, which I'm sure you know well. First job was based in Findhorn, offshore salmon fishing during student vacations. Last went back two years ago, it's not changed at all bar the fishing. I've had a couple of contracts in Scotland, nine months in Glasgow in 2003 was the last. I'd move back to Moray like a shot but work doesn't really permit it - Aberdeen is not really commutable and the job market in Inverness is too small.

^{“Write the query the simplest way. If through testing it becomes clear that the performance is inadequate, consider alternative query forms.” - Gail Shaw}

For fast, accurate and documented assistance in answering your questions, please read this article.
Understanding and using APPLY, (I) and (II) Paul White
Hidden RBAR: Triangular Joins / The "Numbers" or "Tally" Table: What it is and how it replaces a loop Jeff Moden

ChrisM@Work SSC Guru Points: 186127 More actions · Answer 3

Paul White NZ (4/7/2010)
Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Man humming theme to Jaws after trip to dentist
Berm, beam, berm, beam...
You need help, Mr Morris...:laugh:
I think your mind has been warped by the dense and opposing gravitational fields you appear to encounter daily at work. 'H' you say...? :blink: :Wow:

Heh too late Paul, a new permy TSQL & DW permy started yesterday!

^{“Write the query the simplest way. If through testing it becomes clear that the performance is inadequate, consider alternative query forms.” - Gail Shaw}

For fast, accurate and documented assistance in answering your questions, please read this article.
Understanding and using APPLY, (I) and (II) Paul White
Hidden RBAR: Triangular Joins / The "Numbers" or "Tally" Table: What it is and how it replaces a loop Jeff Moden

Paul White SSC Guru Points: 150467 More actions · Answer 4

Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Heh too late Paul, a new permy TSQL & DW permy started yesterday!

Please bear me in mind for any future opportunities that might arise :w00t: 😀

Paul White
SQLPerformance.com
SQLkiwi blog
@SQL_Kiwi

ChrisM@Work SSC Guru Points: 186127 More actions · Answer 5

Paul White NZ (4/7/2010)
Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Heh too late Paul, a new permy TSQL & DW permy started yesterday!
Please bear me in mind for any future opportunities that might arise :w00t: 😀

I'll cup an ear 🙂

^{“Write the query the simplest way. If through testing it becomes clear that the performance is inadequate, consider alternative query forms.” - Gail Shaw}

For fast, accurate and documented assistance in answering your questions, please read this article.
Understanding and using APPLY, (I) and (II) Paul White
Hidden RBAR: Triangular Joins / The "Numbers" or "Tally" Table: What it is and how it replaces a loop Jeff Moden

Paul White SSC Guru Points: 150467 More actions · Answer 6

Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
I'll cup an ear 🙂

🙁 :crazy: :angry: :blink: :crying:

Paul White
SQLPerformance.com
SQLkiwi blog
@SQL_Kiwi

ChrisM@Work SSC Guru Points: 186127 More actions · Answer 7

Paul White NZ (4/7/2010)
Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
I'll cup an ear 🙂
🙁 :crazy: :angry: :blink: :crying:

Hey Paulie I just checked your commute time, it's 37 hours including the transfer from Heathrow. Looks like quite a trek, but DBCC TIMEWARP can deal with 36 hours of that (parameters 21, 24-36 & 69) leaving you with door-to-door time at your end plus an hour schlep over here. Only one catch (three for an 'H') - you need to keep your lappy running for the full 36 virtual hours.

^{“Write the query the simplest way. If through testing it becomes clear that the performance is inadequate, consider alternative query forms.” - Gail Shaw}

For fast, accurate and documented assistance in answering your questions, please read this article.
Understanding and using APPLY, (I) and (II) Paul White
Hidden RBAR: Triangular Joins / The "Numbers" or "Tally" Table: What it is and how it replaces a loop Jeff Moden

crookj SSChampion Points: 14075 More actions · Answer 8

crookj

SSChampion

Points: 14075

April 7, 2010 at 7:23 am

#1147308

Ectoplasmic

:alien:

Joe

ChrisM@Work SSC Guru Points: 186127 More actions · Answer 9

Ectomycorrhyza

^{“Write the query the simplest way. If through testing it becomes clear that the performance is inadequate, consider alternative query forms.” - Gail Shaw}

For fast, accurate and documented assistance in answering your questions, please read this article.
Understanding and using APPLY, (I) and (II) Paul White
Hidden RBAR: Triangular Joins / The "Numbers" or "Tally" Table: What it is and how it replaces a loop Jeff Moden

Daniel Bowlin SSC-Dedicated Points: 34566 More actions · Answer 10

Meetings...

Where minutes are kept, and hours are lost.

SQLRNNR SSC Guru Points: 281334 More actions · Answer 11

Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Tom.Thomson (4/7/2010)
Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Quiver
(Janey from accounts just swished past)
Oh dear, your sig is a little suggestive after that message. I hope she doesn't get to see it:-D.
You think that's suggestive? Here's a verbatim part of an email broadcast a few moments ago:
"Is there a 32 H in the building today who could try on a bra for me?"
It can be darned difficult to work here sometimes.
What part of Scotland are you from, Tom?

Yikes - emails like that would make it difficult.

Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events

SQLRNNR SSC Guru Points: 281334 More actions · Answer 12

Chris Morris-439714 (4/7/2010)
Paul White NZ (4/7/2010)
CirquedeSQLeil (4/6/2010)
Chris Morris-439714 (4/6/2010)
Berm
Beam
Berm.
Man humming theme to Jaws after trip to dentist
Berm, beam, berm, beam...

better that than the theme to Nightmare on Elm Street (there's another movie I want to see - the remake at least)

Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events

SQLRNNR SSC Guru Points: 281334 More actions · Answer 13

dbowlin (4/7/2010)
Meetings...

SUCK

Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events

mbricker-600840 SSCertifiable Points: 5468 More actions · Answer 14

And suckers meet.

Mike

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”...Robert McCloskey

___________________________________________________________________

ChrisM@Work SSC Guru Points: 186127 More actions · Answer 15

mbricker-600840 (4/7/2010)
And suckers meet.

Aah bless, cephalopod romance.

A Scotsman (Tom perhaps) is busking on Oxford Street. Suddenly an octopus jumps on him and rips the pipes from his arms. Falling to the ground with a splat the octopus continues to wrestle with the pipes in a determined manner. "Ye cannae play the pipes, you're an octopus!" wails the scotsman. "Whaddya mean, play pipes?" burbles the octopus. "I'm trying to get 'er k******s off"

^{“Write the query the simplest way. If through testing it becomes clear that the performance is inadequate, consider alternative query forms.” - Gail Shaw}

For fast, accurate and documented assistance in answering your questions, please read this article.
Understanding and using APPLY, (I) and (II) Paul White
Hidden RBAR: Triangular Joins / The "Numbers" or "Tally" Table: What it is and how it replaces a loop Jeff Moden