The worlds most destructive computer virus
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This should really go under the "Pet Peeves" topic but here's how to slow IT productivity to a halt.
Write a virus that installs the Microsoft Office Assistant on every PC it infects.
Has this $%^&$£$£ thing EVER brought back a useful entry in a help file?
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ha ha!
No, I have yet to see it be useful.
God help us the day it gets promoted from Office Assistant to Windows Assistant!
Cheers,
Crispin
Cheers,CrispinI can't die, there are too many people who still have to meet me!It's not a bug, SQL just misunderstood me!
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At least you are distracted by the nice animations that they put into it.
And to think certain products even advertise that they have included an Assistant as an advantage!
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Was thinking. How about a SQL assistant? It can hover around EM and QA.
Cheers,
Crispin
Cheers,CrispinI can't die, there are too many people who still have to meet me!It's not a bug, SQL just misunderstood me!
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An insult to all paperclips!
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When you write a query and it is wrong, the SQL Assistant would pop up and flash at you. You wouldn't be able to see the results section of QA until after you make the little assistant go away. How's that for a productivity enhancer?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
Patrick
Quand on parle du loup, on en voit la queue
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How about you type in a search term, the QA Assistant refuses to return entries for that search term, but only returns synonyms plus 3 random entries. Just like the Office assistant!
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Actually I like Links the cat. I'd like it to be a bit more active though and hang around even when I'm not using an MS Office App.
And if I want to look up things in the help, I generally put in some text that allows me to get past the assistants balloon help and into the actual help file. Then I enter what I really want to look for, or navigate through the contents or index.
Hope this helps
Phill Carter
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Colt 45 - the original point and click interface
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Colt 45 - the original point and click interface
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quote:
I generally put in some text that allows me to get past the assistants balloon help and into the actual help fileHow do you do this?????
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quote:
quote:
I generally put in some text that allows me to get past the assistants balloon help and into the actual help fileHow do you do this?????
Just put in something that will give you a list of entries. Select any entry. When the help opens, click the assistant to remove the annoying balloon. Then you can use the index and contents tabs to find what you want.
This is using Office XP. In earlier versions you could bypass the assistant altogether because the was a menu item for the help file contents as well as a search (F1) option.
Hope this helps
Phill Carter
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Colt 45 - the original point and click interface
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Colt 45 - the original point and click interface -
quote:
Was thinking. How about a SQL assistant? It can hover around EM and QAIt would be along the lines of...
Hi, I'm the SQL Assistant, <pointless animation, friendly noise> I've noticed that you're writing a SELECT statement. Would you like me to:
a) pick random fields with useless aliases?
b) convert it into a DELETE statement and remove all records from your table?
c) or just drop your production database and corrupt your log backup?
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quote:
quote:
Was thinking. How about a SQL assistant? It can hover around EM and QAIt would be along the lines of...
Hi, I'm the SQL Assistant, <pointless animation, friendly noise> I've noticed that you're writing a SELECT statement. Would you like me to:
a) pick random fields with useless aliases?
b) convert it into a DELETE statement and remove all records from your table?
c) or just drop your production database and corrupt your log backup?
I've got users for those functions...
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You got users for those functions? I got developers for those functions...
Cheers,CrispinI can't die, there are too many people who still have to meet me!It's not a bug, SQL just misunderstood me!
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Hello, I'm your Microsoft SQL Assistant. You have just typed a SELECT statement. We have re-indexed your tables based on the WHERE clause. If you have not used a WHERE clause we have re-indexed your tables based on an algorithm that calculates the distance from the moon and the size of the latest solar flare.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
Patrick
Quand on parle du loup, on en voit la queue
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You know, this was actually covered in an old UserFriendly cartoon. Pitr wrote a virus to install an Office Assistant on every version of vi...
K. Brian Kelley
http://www.truthsolutions.com/
Author: Start to Finish Guide to SQL Server Performance Monitoring
K. Brian Kelley
@kbriankelley
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