The SQL Joke Thread

  • Luis Cazares - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:11 PM

    You got that one from TrumpDBA twitter account 😛

    actually I didn't even know there was such a thing :hehe:

  • Chris Harshman - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:22 PM

    Luis Cazares - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:11 PM

    You got that one from TrumpDBA twitter account 😛

    actually I didn't even know there was such a thing :hehe:

    I told him not to do it.  When he asked "Why not?", I told him to look at what the first 4 letters of "Twitter" are. 😀

    --Jeff Moden


    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

    Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.


    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

  • Jeff Moden - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:29 PM

    Chris Harshman - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:22 PM

    Luis Cazares - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:11 PM

    You got that one from TrumpDBA twitter account 😛

    actually I didn't even know there was such a thing :hehe:

    I told him not to do it.  When he asked "Why not?", I told him to look at what the first 4 letters of "Twitter" are. 😀

    That must be why Trump uses it so much.

    -------------------------------------------------------------
    we travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us
    Don't fear failure, fear regret.

  • below86 - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 2:40 PM

    Jeff Moden - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:29 PM

    Chris Harshman - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:22 PM

    Luis Cazares - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:11 PM

    You got that one from TrumpDBA twitter account 😛

    actually I didn't even know there was such a thing :hehe:

    I told him not to do it.  When he asked "Why not?", I told him to look at what the first 4 letters of "Twitter" are. 😀

    That must be why Trump uses it so much.

    He just makes it easier for others to identify the actual twits...  and yeah, every once in a while, he's one of them.

    Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
    Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

  • sgmunson - Wednesday, July 11, 2018 1:54 PM

    below86 - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 2:40 PM

    Jeff Moden - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:29 PM

    Chris Harshman - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:22 PM

    Luis Cazares - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:11 PM

    You got that one from TrumpDBA twitter account 😛

    actually I didn't even know there was such a thing :hehe:

    I told him not to do it.  When he asked "Why not?", I told him to look at what the first 4 letters of "Twitter" are. 😀

    That must be why Trump uses it so much.

    He just makes it easier for others to identify the actual twits...  and yeah, every once in a while, he's one of them.

    Not real sure we want to go down this road but...  What's the worst joke in the world?   President Trump.
    It's actually more like a nightmare.

    -------------------------------------------------------------
    we travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us
    Don't fear failure, fear regret.

  • below86 - Wednesday, July 11, 2018 2:59 PM

    sgmunson - Wednesday, July 11, 2018 1:54 PM

    below86 - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 2:40 PM

    Jeff Moden - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:29 PM

    Chris Harshman - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:22 PM

    Luis Cazares - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:11 PM

    You got that one from TrumpDBA twitter account 😛

    actually I didn't even know there was such a thing :hehe:

    I told him not to do it.  When he asked "Why not?", I told him to look at what the first 4 letters of "Twitter" are. 😀

    That must be why Trump uses it so much.

    He just makes it easier for others to identify the actual twits...  and yeah, every once in a while, he's one of them.

    Not real sure we want to go down this road but...  What's the worst joke in the world?   President Trump.
    It's actually more like a nightmare.

    Yeah,... let's not go there. 😉  This is supposed to be a fun thread.

    --Jeff Moden


    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

    Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.


    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

  • Jeff Moden - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:29 PM

    Chris Harshman - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:22 PM

    Luis Cazares - Tuesday, June 12, 2018 12:11 PM

    You got that one from TrumpDBA twitter account 😛

    actually I didn't even know there was such a thing :hehe:

    I told him not to do it.  When he asked "Why not?", I told him to look at what the first 4 letters of "Twitter" are. 😀

    I suppose he doesn't like the UNION ALL operator either, the rows should be allowed to have a choice if they are included in the UNION result set or not!

  • Jeff Moden - Wednesday, July 11, 2018 4:08 PM

    Yeah,... let's not go there. 😉  This is supposed to be a fun thread.

    OK, but it will be hard based on the events this week...:Whistling::crazy:

    This is a dumb joke, but it tickled my funny bone yesterday:
    What did the mayonnaise say to the person who opened the refrigerator door? 

    "Close the door, I'm dressing!"

    -------------------------------------------------------------
    we travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us
    Don't fear failure, fear regret.

  • below86 - Thursday, July 19, 2018 9:57 AM

    Jeff Moden - Wednesday, July 11, 2018 4:08 PM

    Yeah,... let's not go there. 😉  This is supposed to be a fun thread.

    OK, but it will be hard based on the events this week...:Whistling::crazy:

    This is a dumb joke, but it tickled my funny bone yesterday:
    What did the mayonnaise say to the person who opened the refrigerator door? 

    "Close the door, I'm dressing!"

    "I see", said the blind man, to his deaf son, over the phone, as he picked his hammer and saw...

    Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
    Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

  • A recent thread reminded me of a t-shirt that a friend of mine has:

    There are two kinds of people:
    1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

    Drew

    J. Drew Allen
    Business Intelligence Analyst
    Philadelphia, PA

  • There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.

    +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
    Check out my blog at https://pianorayk.wordpress.com/

  • What do computers and rapper, fifty cent have in common?

    2 bits = 50 cents

    Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
    Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

  • - Master, why am I no good for SQL work?
    - Have you seen the sunset from the mountain?
    - No, master - travelling to the mountain would ake up time I should use for SQL
    - Have you seen a bird soaring the skyes?
    - No, master - during the day I work at my desk, and can not see the SQL
    - Have you admired the moon and the stars in a clear night?
    - No, master, I need my rest between days of work on SQL
    - Have you seen the launch of a rocket to outer space?
    - No master, - travelling to the launch site would take up SQL time.
    - Do you think SQLwork is nothing?
    - No master, SQL work is not nothing, it is the most important thing in the world.
    - Then your problem is clear: a person who cares neither for beauty nor for excitement is good only for nothing, and as you have said: SQL work is not nothing.

    Tom

  • How do you assassinate a DBA ?

    Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
    Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

  • sgmunson - Wednesday, February 13, 2019 1:51 PM

    How do you assassinate a DBA ?

    It better be something other than pulling the trigger...that's in someones signature up here. Can''t remember offhand who it is though.

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