The SQL Joke Thread

Question

Post reply

The SQL Joke Thread

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 103 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Login to reply

Chris Harshman SSC-Forever Points: 42192 More actions · Answer 1

A query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables and says "mind if I join you?"

sgmunson SSC Guru Points: 110640 More actions · Answer 2

Two programmers walk into a bar.... the third one ducks...

Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

sgmunson SSC Guru Points: 110640 More actions · Answer 3

If a DBA pulls a trigger, did he just commit suicide?

Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

sgmunson SSC Guru Points: 110640 More actions · Answer 4

How many DBA's does it take to change a light bulb?

One to tell the developers to do it, and a half dozen BAs to figure out which light bulb needs changing, despite the developers already knowing which one it is, because it had to go through Agile / SCRUM.

Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

HappyGeek SSCoach Points: 18729 More actions · Answer 5

sgmunson - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:41 AM
If a DBA pulls a trigger, did he just commit suicide?

No, but he may have been fired!

...

sgmunson SSC Guru Points: 110640 More actions · Answer 6

HappyGeek - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:58 AM
sgmunson - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:41 AM
If a DBA pulls a trigger, did he just commit suicide?
No, but he may have been fired!

Or was he just a snowflake?

Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

Luis Cazares SSC Guru Points: 183706 More actions · Answer 7

What do you call an association for DBAs?
A SELECT club.

Luis C.
General Disclaimer:
Are you seriously taking the advice and code from someone from the internet without testing it? Do you at least understand it? Or can it easily kill your server?

How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help: Option 1 / Option 2

Chris Harshman SSC-Forever Points: 42192 More actions · Answer 8

Why are databases good companions?
Because they always maintain their relationships, and they aren't afraid to commit.

Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1004356 More actions · Answer 9

I just heard a great joke and Luis is intimately familiar with it.

Let's get rid of all stored procedures and move everything to the cloud. 😀

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

JustMarie SSCertifiable Points: 7771 More actions · Answer 10

Jeff Moden - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 7:43 PM
I just heard a great joke and Luis is intimately familiar with it.
Let's get rid of all stored procedures and move everything to the cloud. 😀

This is a joke thread! That's a horror story in the making!

x SSC-Insane Points: 23660 More actions · Answer 11

JustMarie - Wednesday, April 4, 2018 10:48 AM
Jeff Moden - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 7:43 PM
I just heard a great joke and Luis is intimately familiar with it.
Let's get rid of all stored procedures and move everything to the cloud. 😀
This is a joke thread! That's a horror story in the making!

They said "the clouds the place you wanna be"
so I loaded up my truck and moved to Beverlee!

HappyGeek SSCoach Points: 18729 More actions · Answer 12

sgmunson - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 12:04 PM
HappyGeek - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:58 AM
sgmunson - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:41 AM
If a DBA pulls a trigger, did he just commit suicide?
No, but he may have been fired!
Or was he just a snowflake?

Only if he was a little Dim!

...

jonathan.crawford SSCertifiable Points: 6612 More actions · Answer 13

patrickmcginnis59 10839 - Wednesday, April 4, 2018 10:52 AM
JustMarie - Wednesday, April 4, 2018 10:48 AM
Jeff Moden - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 7:43 PM
I just heard a great joke and Luis is intimately familiar with it.
Let's get rid of all stored procedures and move everything to the cloud. 😀
This is a joke thread! That's a horror story in the making!
They said "the clouds the place you wanna be"
so I loaded up my truck and moved to Beverlee!

and Amazon's colors are black and gold....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please follow Best Practices For Posting On Forums to receive quicker and higher quality responses

sgmunson SSC Guru Points: 110640 More actions · Answer 14

HappyGeek - Wednesday, April 4, 2018 11:50 AM
sgmunson - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 12:04 PM
HappyGeek - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:58 AM
sgmunson - Tuesday, April 3, 2018 11:41 AM
If a DBA pulls a trigger, did he just commit suicide?
No, but he may have been fired!
Or was he just a snowflake?
Only if he was a little Dim!

Now there's a Fact, if I do say so myself!

Steve (aka sgmunson) 🙂 🙂 🙂
Rent Servers for Income (picks and shovels strategy)

below86 SSChampion Points: 11532 More actions · Answer 15

Do you know why Jeff had to get out of the construction business?
He refused to use RBAR!

-------------------------------------------------------------
we travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us
Don't fear failure, fear regret.