The Jerk at Work
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The Jerk at Work
I know everyone has had to deal with someone in their workplace that they consider a jerk. Actually I'm sure more than a few people have considered me a jerk at times. Well, someone wrote a book about it and gave an interview on the subject.
A jerk is definitely in the eye of the beholder. I've seen behavior, often of the locker room variety, that is welcomed by some while the same words, phrases, and delivery can be seen as offensive to others. A large part of not being a jerk at your employer is be cognizant of others' feelings and knowing what will offend different people. It's having tolerance.
It's also about understanding when someone offends you. We all have bad days; heck, some of us have bad years at times. Maybe that's less excuseable, but certainly a bad day here and there from someone should be welcomed with a little understanding. You never know when your coworker had a fight with their spouse, got bad news about a kid, or received some other stressor and they're taking it out on you.
Those are the easy ones. The chronic jerk, someone that offends you constantly everyday is something else. In this case, the best thing you can do is voice complaints to management and insist they be documented. Eventually someone that is a chronic jerk should be let go. If not, maybe you should go.
I've written about career stuff quite a bit and the one thing that I've tried to ensure is the most important is the fit of the people that work together. Getting a cohesive team brings about great synergies, but equally as important it limits the number of "jerks" among the employees that can disrupt, and even destroy, your ability to get productive work completed.
It gets hard in larger companies, but overall if you adhere to hiring guidelines and ensure large groups of people approve each new employee, you'll end up with a great company.
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It's true you need a large consensus to hire a decent person.
Unfortunately our production manager was hired on the basis that he is the Son in Law of the ex-boss. Sheesh, what a dick head.
Having a Napoleon complex, being excessively stupid and once telling our German MD how much he admired Hitler makes any project with him on board a joy.
We've just about managed to train him (after 3 years) not to lie like a child, basically we went through a long process of every time he lies coming up with supporting evidence to prove he's lied and then he gets a dressing down from the MD. We think he's just about got the point on this one.
When a guy on our shop floor had an accident the qualified first aider ran up and he shouted at him to "get back to work you skiving &%^&^$". We think the interpersonal relationship course we sent him on after this incident helped a little.
And let's not even talk about blame deflection, he is a weasel and no mistake.
Trouble is, we can't get rid of him without a lawsuit because he doesn't do anything wrong per se, he's just obstructive, he sets fires off and then puts them out again, making him look reasonably useful....
It is getting better though, now I've made our shop floor reporting so transparent it is possible to demonstrate the increase in productivity achieved whilst he is on holiday, there is actually a special report I have written which everyone except him knows about. Seriously, our shop floor guys on average work 5% harder when he's not on site.
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I took a time management course a number of years ago and bought a pack of books that they were offering on special. One of the books was how to deal with difficult people. I was positive that one of my coworkers was the most difficult person to get along with in a working relationship and I wanted to have the tools to effectively manage him.
I'm glad I got the book. The first thing they do is have you read through the different types of people that are "difficult" and before I knew it, I was reading about myself. It was a little humbling. I never thought of myself as a difficult person, but I was definitely in the book.
He was too, but I was as much to blame as he was. And, it turns out that our two personalities actually fed on one another, so as each of us became a pain in the butt, the other turned up a notch.The book did give advice on recognizing the signs and how to turn them back so that you weren't as antagonistic which really did help with working with him. Because now I could see where I was lighting fires under him, and I could stop or at least tone down my own issues and work with him on handling whatever got my goat.
I had the book on my desk (I was still reading it) when he came in one day and saw it. He made some comment about it (I'm fairly sure he thought I was reading it to learn how to deal with him) when I told him the book was great and that it showed me what a difficult person I was to work with. I think that made him step back for a minute. He probably wasn't expecting me to admit that I was a problem.
Anyway - he asked to read the book when I was finished, so I passed it on when I was done.
Like Steve says, "we all have bad days (or years)" and it's just a matter sometimes of putting ourselves in the other persons shoes and trying to find out why they are in a bad mood and what we can do to help alleviate it. That will go much farther than just being another thorn in their side.
There are always going to be some people that no matter what you try - they are going to be jerks, but we really don't want to be the ones causing that situation.
I wish I could find the book and/or the title, it is well worth the read and was a really short book.
Bill
Ad maiorem Dei gloriam
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Bill, thats a great post - do you have the name of the book by chance?
- If you do remember/find the book please let me know as well. I know I can be a PITA at times because I can be overly critical.Something we have done in our office was have each person read, at least in part, the book "Now, Discover Your Strengths" and take a quick test online which "Discover Your Strengths". The approach was to focus on strengths over weaknesses which is a nice change. While we need to be aware of our weaknesses to keep them under control we should maintain and improve our strengths. When was the last time you seen a marathon runner enter a dead lift contest
This can even help employees understand each other a little better.EDIT:Don't suppose this is the book?
Dealing with Difficult People : 24 lessons for Bringing Out the Best in Everyone (only 64 pages)
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I know at my current employer I am considered difficult to work with. IMO the culture is terrible, and change is not encouraged from the bottom up. Everything is top down, and I rebel constantly. It is a difficult situation for all. However, the business is in such poor shape and the management team has such little management experience I feel justified in trying to change the dynamic. In other words, I'm looking for another job where I fit in and am trying not to get dragged down by the inepitude and mediocrity that I am surrounded by.
Yes, I realize my post is pretty pompous. However, I have experience working at several mid sized or greater publically held companies and now work at a small company in a rural area and the experience level of my co-workers is shockingly low.
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There's a lot of different stuff here.
Sometimes the jerk is simply someone with poor social skills. Sometimes a jerk is simply someone whose quirks or worldview annoy us. Sometimes a 'jerk' is someone that we ourselves happen to annoy and they react negatively to us. Or sometimes a jerk is a truly corrosive person.
Each variant needs to be handled differently.
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-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers --
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Andy, yes, you don't fit in that culture. At almost every position I've held, I've been considered competent and easy to work with. When I started my career, I was the only database developer among engineering consultants. I wanted a job where I could work with and learn from other developers. I took a job with a government agency working with a team of other developers. I started getting into trouble right away. I had this odd expectation that my co-workers should have a clue what they were doing and I was so astounded at what they didn't know and weren't willing to learn that it was hard to hide my contempt. As an employee with no seniority, I was expected to act as if everyone who'd been there longer was better than me! I held an internal training class for the other developers and decided it would be a good idea to expect them to "connect some dots" instead of following "click here" directions. Apparently my attitude was on display, someone said I was "threatening" behind my back, and I was called into the manager's office for a "talk." The training program was scrapped and I found another job. Their product was a complete train wreck and they didn't even know it. What a disaster. Good luck finding another job.
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Steve,
This week you seem to like to talk about management and working environment a lot !!!
'A jerk' and 'Difficult person' is very subjective. I was considered as a 'difficult' person to work with in one department in my old company just because most of the developers in that department were incapable of doing anything. I was very serious about my work. I made sure I delivered a good product to my customers. So my co-workers considered me as 'difficult' while my manager and my customers loved me.
Also I considered a DBA in my old company (who was a woman) was incapable, talkative and she made a lot of mistakes. However she made a lot of friends in the company. So while I was considered her as an idiot and a 'bitch', the other people considered her as a sweetheart.
It is all depended on your perspective.
my 2 cents.
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I find it interesting how people forget why they have a job. It is because there is a need to get work done. What I have found common in the "real" jerks is that the reason for their job is not put first; they put themselves first, and usually at all costs, which includes doing negative things to other people.
For the last 2.5 years, I have voiced my concerns about a jerk to my manager. The jerk and I share this manager. Unfortunately they together comprise an exclusive "in group", and nothing has happened. Actually, we had a Director leave and a new one come in. My manager made it a priority to push through a promotion for the jerk, even though last year it was shot down by our previous Director.
I think another defining characteristic of a jerk is one that is aware of how they are, and do not attempt to change. That is the case here. Half the department recently quit. As a Supervisor, I get complaints all the time about the jerk. The jerk has acknowledged he is a jerk to some people, and knows how to fly under the radar. Unfortunately I have come to two options: Take this to HR, or find another job myself. Since I have also lost respect for my manager, I am working on the latter.
Thanks Steve for mentioning this option. Although I love my employer, I feel a little better about taking on this option.
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SET UNCOMMON_SENSE_MODE ON
Jerks and their situations are like the weather. There is only one thing that you can change - your own perception of them or the situation.
If that does not work for you then it is time to move or move on !
SET UNCOMMON_SENSE_MODE OFF
RegardsRudy KomacsarSenior Database Administrator"Ave Caesar! - Morituri te salutamus."
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Rudy, I agreed with you. Unfortunately there is no ideal company or perfect company, (if there is, let me know), the matter of the truth is no matter where you go, you will find 'jerks' and 'difficult' persons.
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I have been lucky in my career. Only two employers, about 3 years in all out of 24+, did I opt to 'move' from. My criteria for the 'ideal/perfect' company is simple:
I need to like:
- what I do
- who I work with
- who I work for
You just have to research and interview them more than they do you !
RegardsRudy KomacsarSenior Database Administrator"Ave Caesar! - Morituri te salutamus."
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I owe a big thanks to all the jerks I've had to work with.
The jerks in my life have moved me to move on to bigger-&-better things.
Thanks to the most recent Jerkus Magnus I applied for & received my dream job at Microsoft. My salary almost doubled and better than that I don't have to work with any more jerks!
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Congrats on the MS job. Let us know how it goes if you can.
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