Talking SQL Server

  • Hello,

    A number of years ago, I came across some script that could be used to make SQL Server "talk".  I have some a little time and want to mess with some co-workers who have SQL on their laptops - does anyone know where some t-sql may be?  anything?

    TIA!

    Cory

    -- Cory

  • Yes I remember when I had my first DBA jobs I would send poeple messages saying: You have attempted to perform an illegal operation. Please step away from the keyboard and await security personnel. Do not attempt to tamper with this machine, which has now been armed. You are under surveillance,...etc etc. Enterprise manager does it using NET SEND I think. You click on the user in current activity, and select 'send a message'. I expect you could use xp_cmdshell and NET SEND if you have the right permissions(?) I'm not sure as I don't do it so much now I'm older and duller. BTW I don't recommend doing that to anyone who is:

    a) not very well known to you,
    b) very slow on the uptake
    c) unusually gullible
    d) unthinkingly deferential
    or (especially this one)
    e) doesn't have a sense of humour

    These qualities are often found clustered together, I find, apart from a) which I can't comment on.

    Tim Wilkinson

    "If it doesn't work in practice, you're using the wrong theory"
    - Immanuel Kant

  • Thanks Tim!

    I know about the net send, and that is boring!  What I had was the ability to run a t-sql statement while connected to their SQL Server, and it would actually talk out the speakers any string I fed it...I had the SQL up until I recently changed jobs, and now I think I left it behind...

    -- Cory

  • In version 8 and above there is also an undocumented trace flag, 1123581322, which activates the experimental allow_vocal_interface option. this permits you to submit ANSI SQL statements and retrieve recordsets (FOR XML EXPLICIT only) using vocal interaction. For some reason SQL doesn't have the usual drunken-robot-from-illinois voice, but instead very precise clipped tones with a basically Scottish accent. It also speaks very quickly so for large recordsets I recommend a dictaphone or typist. I use a large (uncountably large) pool of simian typists, which meets all of my requirements. It's just a question of locating the correct results in amongst the reams of garbage they churn out.

    Tim Wilkinson

    "If it doesn't work in practice, you're using the wrong theory"
    - Immanuel Kant

  • Well I'm very sorry to be so boring. And that was before I was older and duller! Imagine the paroxysms of ennui I could induce in you if I ever started talking about cricket!

    Tim Wilkinson

    "If it doesn't work in practice, you're using the wrong theory"
    - Immanuel Kant

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