July 18, 2008 at 8:24 am
I think Grant and Jeff must be related to Dwight Shroot. Sorry you guys lost your privileges to bring nunchakus and stars into the office.
July 18, 2008 at 8:47 am
Shaun McGuile (7/18/2008)
Sock with a roll of quaters - cos people are scared of change 😀
Now THAT's FUNNY! 😀
--Jeff Moden
Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.
July 18, 2008 at 8:50 am
I wake up in the morning thinking the same thing as Jeff; but generally I spend the day replacing the curse words in my head with much nicer (though no less direct) words out of my mouth.
Seriously; I have spent more than my fair share of time wondering why certain people feel the need to argue a point because they feel they have to be right, regardless of whether or not I can prove them wrong. Personally, I'm happy to be proven wrong, because knowing the "better way" makes me more right in the future 😀
But, trying the more "CSR" style approach to co-workers and managers does get me somewhere, usually. "Yes, I totally understand where you're coming from...(paraphrase their position)...but this other way meets those requirements AND performs better..."
Joshua Jones
Director, Global Database Services
PGi
July 18, 2008 at 8:58 am
Steve Jones - Editor (7/18/2008)
I think Grant and Jeff must be related to Dwight Shroot. Sorry you guys lost your privileges to bring nunchakus and stars into the office.
So would that make you Michael Scott, Steve?
Jack Corbett
Consultant - Straight Path Solutions
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July 18, 2008 at 8:59 am
I'm not an IT guy/gal, but a glorified filing/data entry clerk. Very early in my working career I figured out how to get a computer to do the things that I seemingly do over and over again. As a result, and through learning computer stuff, I've become the departmental non-IT IT guy. The problem however, is when I have to deal with IT people. They see me as some macro-hacker with no understanding nor appreciation of true "development" issues. Naturally, even though I code in SQL, VB.NET, html etc, when I need to address some issue with them, I invariably get dismissed. Very frustrating and unproductive. So what I found then was that I would play the dummy. Get my audience to explain things to me. I'd ask pointed questions for clarification (and to coax them in the direction I need them to go) until they suddenly stopped dead when they realize this problem/opportunity at hand and bingo, I'd get what I needed. So in summary, what I found when I couldn't get someone to "hear" me, I'd get them to "hear" themselves.
Now if I could have had someone tell me that decades ago, or read it somewhere, I would have been spared a lot of anguish. Unfortunately, or fortunately, there are so many different ways to communicate and some work with some people, but not with others. I guess that's why there is a field called Communications and Public Relations. Being married to a practitioner of said field really helps too.
And by the way, this thread has helped...thanks!
July 18, 2008 at 9:06 am
Carlo:
It is all hearts and minds, make them think its their idea and they embrace it with zeal and enthusiasm.
(sounds like politics) 😉
Theory of Constraints - evaporating cloud technique - works for every conflict between reasonable people.
(sounds like a religion) 😀
--Shaun
Hiding under a desk from SSIS Implemenation Work :crazy:
July 18, 2008 at 9:16 am
It is all hearts and minds, make them think its their idea and they embrace it with zeal and enthusiasm.
Absolutely!!!! 😉
Carlo
July 18, 2008 at 9:19 am
Grant Fritchey (7/18/2008)
Jeff, how do I get a bat?
Easy... use soft skills to get the managers to buy you one! 😛
I find it difficult to use soft skills when someone has screwed something up so bad after me telling them it would be screwed up and it causes me or the developers 60-80 hour work weeks. That includes managers who promise a delivery date without knowing how long it takes to actually build something with a bit of quality and performance in it. Right now at my company, the developers are doing all night death marches because some manager hired an off-shore company for a project and they screwed up. Now, we're doing it inhouse like I (using soft skills and then a bat) suggested they do to begin with. The worst part is, the managers don't want to admit making a terrible mistake and they've tasked the developers to make themselves (actually, 2 hers) look good. And, it's still not going to be on time because they want it "real bad" and that's the way it's coming out. 😀
Heh... and that was the final straw because they keep making similar catastrophic mistakes instead of listening to me, my softskills, or my bat... someone with a much bigger bat needs to hit them in the calcium knob but everyone is softskilling it instead of doing what is right. The developers are suffering because of softskills.
After 4 1/2 years of the same crap... I gave my two weeks notice last weekend... and I got hired by a new company that not only appreciates my soft skills, but also under stand that sometimes you have to use a bat. 😉
In that vein...
A farmer was driving his carriage past another farmer's lot and saw that his magnificent horse was pulling a four share plow! Most horses are lucky if they can do two. Long story short, the farmer in the carriage talked the other farmer into selling the incredible steed.
Next morning, the farmer took the horse out to the field and hooke the horse up to a two share plow. Despite all sorts of urgings, the horse would not move. He brought the other farmer over and showed him... no matter what he did, the horse would not move. The former owner of the horse went to the shed and came back toting an 8 foot long 2x4. He stood directly in front of the horse who didn't seem to care he was there. Raising way back and then when mighty swing, he hit the horse squarely between the ears and actually broke the 2x4. The horse shook it off and start pulling the plow.
As the 2x4 weilding farmer walked by the other, he winked and said "Sometimes you have to get his attention." :hehe:
--Jeff Moden
Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.
July 18, 2008 at 9:22 am
I believe that there must be a combination of skills development thru experience but training is as important. No one is born knowing everything, knwoledge is aquired and build on top of...
July 18, 2008 at 9:40 am
I have pretty good soft skills, but I don't often have to work with higher-ups outside of my department. I'm good at listening and translating what they want into what the system can provide, and then coding reporting systems to give them the info that they want. Unfortunately most of our systems are canned, so I may not be able to alter the system to give them precisely what they want.
I attribute some of my soft skill skills to writing and being a gamer: when you write or play table-top and role-playing games, you have to negotiate, plea, wheedle, placate, and be an actor, all of which are soft skills. I think it also helps to have a social life with a large group of friends, you learn, both consciously and subconsciously, some things about group dynamics through that sort of interaction.
I really should read Carnegie's book, maybe this weekend I'll hit the used stores and see if I can find a copy. I attended one Toastmasters meeting and got a certificate for Best Impromptu, spinning a tale that could have been straight out of a gaming scenario.
As far as weapons in the office are concerned, I have a 40mm grenade on top of my computer along with a Buddy Christ (from the movie Dogma) and a Mugatu from Star Trek. Funny thing: ever since I added them to the top of my computer, I have NEVER had a computer virus! (then again, I never had one before them, but that's beside the point.) When I worked at the police dept., I also had the casing to a 30mm anti-aircraft shell casing, it made for a very cool conversation piece when a cop came into my office and thought he knew his weapons. One of my co-workers, a cop, kept a switchblade in his desk for opening mail. They're actually legal in a surprising number of municipalities.
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[font="Arial"]Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information upon it. --Samuel Johnson[/font]
July 18, 2008 at 9:46 am
Steve Jones - Editor (7/18/2008)
I think Grant and Jeff must be related to Dwight Shroot. Sorry you guys lost your privileges to bring nunchakus and stars into the office.
That's actually not the first time I've been compared to Dwight. I guess I should watch the show sometime.
"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt
Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning
July 18, 2008 at 9:50 am
1. Read about soft skills.
2. Classes are good, and some are great. But many are worthless.
3. Observation is required. If you can learn from others mistakes you make fewer, right? Well maybe.
4. Risk a little, and get out of your comfort zone from time to time. In short you do not have to be the hard nose all the time.
5. Be creative, honest, and use humor when you can.
6. Watch your body language and voice inflection.
7. Smile:D:D:D you do not have to fake happiness, but a face full of anger should be reserved for situations that require it. Don't grump at a social event, or when the other team is being recognized.
8. Learn how to leave it. Do not press on in an argument just to prove your point. Smile, say something like, "I don't know about that. But we could discuss that later." and then go on.
Often you prove your point but in doing so you prove to the other person that you are not reasonable, aggressive, dominant, anti them etc... (Don't win the battle at the cost of loosing the war.) Instead of arguing at the table where your flashes of anger and hardness could come out, take the discussion offline and do it later after the emotions have cooled.
9. And above all listen much more then you talk.
Just a few thoughts, after over three decades in the business.
Miles...
Not all gray hairs are Dinosaurs!
July 18, 2008 at 9:57 am
Good list, Miles. When I started working retail back when I was in high school, on the first day I was told: "Never argue with a customer. You may win the argument, but you'll lose the customer."
The problem with arguing is frequently logic goes out the window and the parties might be on pure emotion. Nothing gets resolved, feelings get hurt, problems ensue.
Aspects of soft skills are right along the lines of "Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath." Resolve it, calm down, relax.
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[font="Arial"]Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information upon it. --Samuel Johnson[/font]
July 18, 2008 at 10:25 am
Wow, Adam, what a great discussion from your article!
Thanks to all the people who provided specific books to read, and to those who pointed out that soft skills includes a lot more than just how to get your point across without exploding!
Years ago, the department I was in did one of those personality classes, where you fit into a quadrant based on introvert/extrovert, etc. and then learn how each person's strengths contribute to the group. A lot of people hate those exercises, but what I really liked about the course was the recognition of the fact that people ARE different, and to take advantage of the strengths to make the group better.
I've also learned that people respond to some forms of communication better than others. I had one boss who was not at all verbal. When you talked to him, he would write it all down, and not give you an answer right away. I figured out I would get an answer a lot faster if I just sent him a memo (yes, before email!!!).
But all this said, I think it's time for me to brush up on my communication skills. In the past week, I've almost exploded twice. Thanks for lighting a candle!
July 18, 2008 at 11:08 am
That's what she said 😛 (http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/)
I am your fearless leader, plowing ahead blindly in the fields of DBA fiefdom. Now let's get back to work.
Sorry for the delayed reply, actually off today and snuck into the office 🙂
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