June 16, 2011 at 7:55 am
A good few years ago, a guy called Keith Bontrager, when heading up a company manufacturing mountain bike parts, summed up his customers' buying dilemma - and the compromise every manufacturer had to balance - by saying "Cheap, light, strong. Pick any two". I've used the same format several times in different scenarios to highlight to my customers necessary compromises e.g. "Cheap, on time, fully functional; pick any two"
Semper in excretia, suus solum profundum variat
June 16, 2011 at 8:00 am
andycao (6/16/2011)
"Do you want a Yugo, a Buick, or a Porsche?" I use that when the business asks for a quick, but potentially long-living database application. Then I explain you can do simply collect the information in Excel, or get some querying capability in MS Access, or wait a little longer and a get a top-of-line fast-running, scalable, maintainable solution on SQL Server.
A Toyota Corola isn't as fast as a Porsche or as cheap as Yugo, but it is reliable, has plenty of legg room, and comes equipped with the standard options. If I had to compare the databases I design to a car, that's what it would be; a Corola.
"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Instead, seek what they sought." - Matsuo Basho
June 16, 2011 at 8:09 am
"Frequent Flyer": a term used to describe a user that requires an excessive amount of attention from IT or training resources.
June 16, 2011 at 8:15 am
Only just remembered. Most of our users don't understand much about the IT infrastructure necessary to support the business, but when a colleague called himself a network ferret, the penny dropped for everyone.
Semper in excretia, suus solum profundum variat
June 16, 2011 at 8:19 am
this isn't really an IT phrase, but a couple of us hung on to it. Several years ago I was trying to explain something to a coworker who just wasn't there that day... after several rounds of deer-in-the-headlights, she suddenly made the break-through and said, "Oh, you need to talk to me in CAPITOL LETTERS TODAY".
June 16, 2011 at 9:27 am
Uripedes Pants (6/16/2011) ... "Oh, you need to talk to me in CAPITOL LETTERS TODAY".
LOL! 😛
I love little communication break throughs like that. Some things work for some people.
Phrases I like to use:
"TANSTAAFL" : from Robert Heinlein, "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch". Works well when talking with accounting about why things cost what they cost.
"Automatic": I use this a lot to describe processes and procedures that will require a lot of work on my part but will either not be seen by the user or will only require a push of a button.
"Seemless": much the same as automatic. Though it may be tempting, don't substitute the word 'magic' for either of these. You will sound like the D&D geek that you truly are.
"What do you want to happen?" or "What's the process?": a lot of times managers come in with a "technical process" that they heard about and want to do it because, obviously, they heard about it (thanks marketing!) and we need to do it! I usually say something like, 'Yes, that's a good idea.' and then try to figure out what they want accomplished. Usually not the same thing and usually we are already doing it with different technology.
"Good morning, how are you?": Many times people just walk in and start talking. Remind them your human.
June 16, 2011 at 9:30 am
Knut Boehnert (6/16/2011)
I know this as "Pebkac" - Problem exists between keyboard and chair.
I use 'squishy bit' e.g. the problem with the system is the squishy bit in the chair. I'm sure it's from an xkcd cartoon strip but I can never remember exactly where I got it from.
Cover Your *** (CYA) is one that I use quite heavily as an MI / ETL person when users are resistant to doing their duty for changes or when they're trying to get me to cut corners.
June 16, 2011 at 9:39 am
I can multiply them too.
This phrase has become common along members of our DBA team after an infamous 'Dilbert', where a manager asks for some specific data. If the employee emphasizes on the fact that neither of the corporate systems has the correct data, the manager responds to him with the question: can you average them? The phrase mentioned above is the only possible correct answer ...
It is often very difficult to explain to ordinary users (especialy managers) why you can't extract the data they need from the available databases. This phrase is used to make a long story short 🙂 and has the pleasing side-effect of painting a puzzling frown on that person's face.
June 16, 2011 at 9:41 am
I've always like "immaculate correction" when something just magically starts working again.
June 16, 2011 at 9:46 am
vliet (6/16/2011)
I can multiply them too.
This phrase has become common along members of our DBA team after an infamous 'Dilbert', where a manager asks for some specific data. If the employee emphasizes on the fact that neither of the corporate systems has the correct data, the manager responds to him with the question: can you average them? The phrase mentioned above is the only possible correct answer ...
It is often very difficult to explain to ordinary users (especialy managers) why you can't extract the data they need from the available databases. This phrase is used to make a long story short 🙂 and has the pleasing side-effect of painting a puzzling frown on that person's face.
June 16, 2011 at 9:56 am
I asked you for the time, not how to build a clock.
We don't need to boil the ocean. (Stay within scope)
I don't care what freight I haul. (shifting priorities are not a problem)
I'm staying under the radar. (trying to avoid scrutiny)
Out of office and off the grid (not planning to check my email, pick up my phone or check messages or log into the VPN)
He's building his nest (new upper management hiring people they know and have worked with and disregarding current employees)
June 16, 2011 at 10:23 am
Anyone like a game of bullshit bingo?
Semper in excretia, suus solum profundum variat
June 16, 2011 at 10:35 am
OK guys, let's "keep it in scope" with what Andy is asking for:
...phases we use with our IT colleagues and our employers and clients to help them understand something, perhaps most commonly when we are trying to describe things that can or can't be changed or done or undone.
I didn't see a request for phrases to insult the user with, all though that would be a good blog too. 😉
June 16, 2011 at 10:55 am
majorbloodnock (6/16/2011)
Anyone like a game of bullshit bingo?
This helped me to "evolve cross-platform architectures".
Web Economy Bullshit Generator
June 16, 2011 at 11:12 am
"Databases only like two words....ALWAYS and NEVER"
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