Looking Back
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Looking BackA few weeks ago my wife had a bad dream. She dreamt that she had gotten cancer, was dying, and had to try and get her life in order with the kids, me, her horses, etc. It was so vivid that it bothered her for a few days and understandably so. Her mother passed on from breast cancer and with 3 daughters left behind, they've all got concerns about their health. It's one of the very few times that a dream has bothered her for days to the point she'll mention it to me.
It's a sad thing to contemplate, your own death, but the thing that really bothered her was her concern for the rest of us; how the kids would fare and how would I be by myself. But the interesting thing was in talking through it that she had no regrets. She really felt that she's had a wonderful life, has enjoyed and experienced so many things, and is living her dream of a healthy, wonderful family and having horses. She would be at peace with no regrets.
It made me think a little and the other day I found this article on retirement, which tends to stress that retirement is not just relaxing and leisure, but that you also need to keep yourself busy. This is especially true if you've been a hard worker all of your life at your career. So with that in mind, here's the question of the week?
Is there anything you would regret not doing if you died tomorrow?
One thing that I used to really keep an eye on was my life list. I made a list a decade ago of things that I'd like to do before I died. And I made it a point to try and get one thing moved off the list every year. I did a pretty good job until about 2 years ago when I've been stuck.
I thought about it and I've looked over the list, trying to figure out what to do, but honestly the biggest thing is that my life has changed. Priorities changed with my kids and I'm very content. Much like my wife, I'd like to do things on the list, but they're no longer important enough for me to feel regret if I live another 50 years and never do any of them.
I've been blessed with good health, a wonderful family, success at business, and a great life. There's not really anything that I could ask to go better. I'll keep working hard and enjoying life and I hope the rest of you enjoy your life as much as my wife and I enjoy ours.
Steve Jones
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Very powerful and personal editorial this morning, Steve. Thanks for sharing.
I have no regrets thus far. I look back on things I wish I'd done differently, but - at the time - I made the best decision with the available information. I was raised by a fantastic mother so for me it's pretty simple: regardless of the personal cost, discomfort, or unpleasantry; always do the right thing.
As for the future, I occassionally fancy the idea of skydiving!
:{> Andy
Andy Leonard, Chief Data Engineer, Enterprise Data & Analytics
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This was a most interesting editorial (then again, I love all your editorials, so why would this one be any different). I am only 22 years old, so there are a lot of things that I haven't experienced that I would feel I had missed out on, things like having a family, wife, 2.45 kids, etc. I think that as you get older (I am just guessing here, or perhaps using simple logic, etc) you tend to have less regrets and fewer things that you haven't experienced so you probably would answer the question differently than me.
Thus far, I cannot say I have any serious regrets, but I could write a whole list of things that I would have regretted doing had I died tommorrow.
In any event thanks for the thought question on such a great friday morning
Aleksei
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Many of us have family "histories" that start preying on our minds as we grow older...Didn't really read that article on retirement that you posted but I know that for me it's equally important to stay in good health as it is to build a nest egg...for if your retirement funds are to be spent in hospital bills then it's better to be dead than linger on in suffering and pain (if your "old age" gets that drastic ie)...my good health is to be my "physical investment" as my retirement fund is my "financial investment" and my focus on it is much stronger than saving money, for as that old adage goes - "health is (indeed) wealth"...
If I were to die tomorrow my main regret would be that I have not done as much for "community" as I would like - perhaps making a global impact is way too ambitious but would definitely like to make a +ve difference in more lives than just my immediate family!!!
**ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !!!** -
My biggest regret would be not having had the courage to start my own company. I've got a lot of good skills and experience with software development and databases etc, and I'd like to spend my time working on projects that interest me. But, I'm too scared to try.
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Thanks for sharing this very personal editorial with us Steve.
With the recent loss of my father, I feel that the most important thing in life is to not have any "unfinished business", whether in relationships, work effort, anything.
What I mean is if a parent, close acquance suddenly dies, leaves, you should always have that feeling that I gave it my best shot which most of us do, as a general principal and life action. It is so important not to second guess with what-could-of-ben scenarios when things change.
We are not going to be here forever and close personal relationships always come to an abrupt, to-soon end. So put as much effort into your relationships as you do with your jobs, be kind and respectful to ALL people who are around you, and when things change your personal relationships with others will be your fall-back position and life-line to getting thruough that ordeal.
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What are you waiting for on the skydiving, Steve? The kids getting older won't change anything (except assuage your own guilt over perceived risk-taking)! I've got three younglings of my own... and my whole family skydives. You're safer jumping out of an airplane than you are on the highway during your daily commute! The AFF (Accelerated Free Fall) program that they teach at most drop zones is fun, safe and definitely what you should do this weekend. My dad, both of my brothers, my wife and I all did the AFF together a couple years back. There is nothing like the big swoop!
One of my few incomplete life goals is to beat the record set by one of my all-time heroes, Colonel Joseph Kittinger [USAF, Retired]. All the people who have publicly daydreamed about challenging the space jump record [and publicly raised money to do it] have done nothing but come up with excuses about why they haven't jumped yet.
One regret that I'll have to take with me to my grave is not having been able to jump with these guys or the Golden Knights. Although they've recently upped the maximum enlistment age to 42, DODMERB has repeatedly prevented me from joining the military. Apparently functional hearing in both ears is required to be a Marine, so I'll have settle for a privately funded space jump. Heh.
[Insert sound of Goofy falling here.]
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Steve,
I really like the sentiment you expressed in this editorial. I too have many items on my mental list of "things to do before I die". My wife and I had our first child 6 years ago when I was 24, and now that I have 3, that list is no longer important. The variety and spontaneity that my kids have makes up for the things I wanted to experience (skydiving was one).
I realize this is an IT site, but it's nice to see others appreciate and value their families.
Michael
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A very personal editorial and the sort of thing that does not really hit home with a lot of people until you are literally slapped in the face with it.
Up until a couple of years ago I guess I was just stuck in a rut and getting on with my life day by day, no real direction there other than to have a well paid job and a life style I was happy with. Just over a year ago I split up with a girlfriend of over 4 years and something just seemed to click in my head. I actually started doing things I have always wanted to do but just never actually got the motivation to do it. In the past year alone I have done several exciting things and have a mental list of achievements I want before I die or even have kids.
In the last year I have done the following
1) Started Skiing.
2) Been walking in the Spanish Granada Mountains.
3) Done the Manchester to Blackpool Bike Ride for Christies hospital.
4) Drove a single seater race car.
Other things on my list now are -
1) UK three Peaks Challenge.
2) Spanish three Peaks Challenge.
3) Learn to Scuba Dive.
4) Walk the Great Wall of China.
5) See the Grand Canyon.
I suppose the list goes on, I feel I am now in a position financially and mentally where I can do these with ease, I just hope I can achieve these and my other goals. But life is not a race and I will get there at some point.
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Steve,
Thanks for posing a very interesting, intriguing question. There are a number of things I wish I had not done, but as far as your question goes, I would most regret not having attempted to help more people than I have currently helped. I'm speaking in terms of helping those who are younger than I am realize that life is about a lot more than money, careers, material possessions, superficial "success", etc., etc. So, now, whenever I'm presented with the opportunity to express this (by way of someone else initiating the conversation), I try to make the most of the opportunity.
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A very thought provoking and interesting editorial. (or course I always enjoy them) Having known two people who died very unexpectedly in the last month, I have contemplated this more and more. I guess what bothers me is how selfish we tend to be as humans. I guess to me the great tragedy is how a human being can live their entire lives and never get right with God. It breaks my heart (and God's) for Jesus to sacrifice all for us and how few are reconciled to God and how many simply ignore Him for their own ends.
I guess my big regret would be not to be as close to God as absolutely possible and to not pass that along to my kids. The other stuff is fun and all, but only one thing matters.
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Thanks for the personal reflection.
I just want to say it is not sad to contemplate your own death. It can be a very powerful force in your spirituality. Everyone should do it, often, and in a way, your question encourages that. You wife is commended for paying attention to her dreams, and you must have a special relationship based on your comments, and her openness with you.
Terry
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If I were to die tomorrow I would regret having gone to work today
I feel that one should live their life in such a way that there is nothing to regret. Even the worst of times are learning experiences, a viewpoint which can go a long way towards getting over it.
-- Stephen Cook
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......I could have had a V8 this morning.
No regrets.
"And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable
Just let the light touch you and let the words spill thorough
Just let them pass right through, bringing out our hope and reason.
before we pine away.
before we pine away......
"Reflection, Lateralus, MJK
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Thanks for blowing my morning by getting me to contemplate your words
Seriously... I've been lurking here for months but what you shared this morning moved me to reply with two points:
1) To anyone who has thought about scuba diving but hasn't.... please do so as soon as you can. My wife and I started 3 years ago and I can honestly say that I look forward to each coming dive trip more than the last and it keeps me motivated, even at work, when other things don't. Work means money. Money means scuba. As a side benefit, the better physical shape you are in, the more fun it is to dive so I've improved in the health area as well.
2) I wish I knew the source for this quote but I read it once and it made an impression: Your inbox will not be empty when you die.
So let's collectively resolve to live our lives, today & tomorrow... really live, not just exist!
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