LIghter fare - Doh! Querys

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LIghter fare - Doh! Querys

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Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1004340 More actions · Answer 1

Heh... they even made the same mistake that caused the y2k crisis...

Best T-Shirt I ever saw on the subject of "SQL Darwin Awards" was...

[font="Courier New"] SELECT *

FROM Users

WHERE Clue > 0

(0 row(s) affected)[/font]

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

Aaron Ingold SSCrazy Eights Points: 9070 More actions · Answer 2

I have that shirt, you can buy it at thinkgeek.com. 😉

Matt Miller (4) SSC Guru Points: 124210 More actions · Answer 3

Jeff Moden (12/13/2007)
Heh... they even made the same mistake that caused the y2k crisis...
Best T-Shirt I ever saw on the subject of "SQL Darwin Awards" was...
[font="Courier New"] SELECT *
FROM Users
WHERE Clue > 0
(0 row(s) affected)[/font]

I've seen a few other cutes ones at CafePress, although I haven't had the guts to buy any for the team (they're just on the other side of acceptable).

Delete

From Office

where Intelligence='ID10T'

select UserID, sum(complaints) as annoyances

from users

where

IQ=0 and

skills=0 and

Nickname like '%dumbass%'

group by Loudness

having sum(complaints)>1

or

I swear to use the Key, the whole key and nothing but the primary key, so help me Codd

or (cute)

"My daddy's a database professional;

My mommy is his data model.

(I'm the resultset)"

I could go on...hehe. Check them out for a giggle.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part...unless you're my manager...or a director and above...or a really loud-spoken end-user..All right - what was my emergency again?

Key DBA SSCertifiable Points: 6029 More actions · Answer 4

Too Funny!

sqldumbass.com is getting hit when I get home tonight.

I also have the SQL Shirt from thinkgeek.com. I tend to wear it to disaster recovery sessions (the drills, not the real thing) or on a long

weekend day for a major database upgrades.

"Key"
MCITP: DBA, MCSE, MCTS: SQL 2005, OCP

Scott Coleman One Orange Chip Points: 27452 More actions · Answer 5

A good source of WTF examples is thedailyWTF.com, and this is one of my all-time favorite T-SQL examples.

[Code]ALTER TRIGGER [tgIntegrity_InsertUpdateCampaignNumber] ON [customer_products]

FOR INSERT, UPDATE

AS

DECLARE @customer_number VARCHAR(20)

DECLARE @campaign_number VARCHAR(20)

DECLARE campaigncheck_cur CURSOR

FOR SELECT [action].campaign_number

FROM [action]

INNER JOIN inserted

ON [action].person_customer_number = inserted.customer_number

AND [action].campaign_number = inserted.campaign_number

WHERE [action].action_number = [action].root_action_number

OPEN campaigncheck_cur

FETCH NEXT FROM campaigncheck_cur INTO @campaign_number

IF NOT @@fetch_status = 0

BEGIN

RAISERROR ( 'The campaign attached does not match any campaign attached to a root action for this person customer.', 16, 1 )

ROLLBACK TRANSACTION

END

CLOSE campaigncheck_cur

DEALLOCATE campaigncheck_cur[/Code]

Aaron Ingold SSCrazy Eights Points: 9070 More actions · Answer 6

Scott Coleman (1/21/2008)
A good source of WTF examples is thedailyWTF.com, and this is one of my all-time favorite T-SQL examples.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...

GSquared SSC Guru Points: 260824 More actions · Answer 7

I just had to fix a database that had 14 tables (out of 60 total tables) with identity columns, but no primary key or clustered index defined. Another table had the clustered index on a varchar column, but the primary key was an identity column. Another table had five different indexes that were just on the LastName column.

Same database had two many-to-many tables that had unique indexes on one of the two join columns. Another many-to-many table had no primary key, no indexes, and several instances of over 1,000 duplicate rows. They couldn't quite figure out why reports running on queries that used that table were returning such amazingly incorrect aggregates.

I won't even go into the recursive cursors that call other recursive cursors. (Yes, multi-level, multi-step recursion.)

- Gus "GSquared", RSVP, OODA, MAP, NMVP, FAQ, SAT, SQL, DNA, RNA, UOI, IOU, AM, PM, AD, BC, BCE, USA, UN, CF, ROFL, LOL, ETC
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"Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everyone agrees it's old enough to know better." - Anon