Jargonny phrases for joins
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Like many of you, I mostly spend my days writing SQL mixed in with interacting with non-technical people. One of my favorite things recently has been cataloging the different words they use to describe a "join". Here's what I've got so far:
Map - "let's map that data to the rates to get average..."
Combine - "now, can we combine the customer data to the sales data"
Bash - "let's bash these together and see where they don't match"
Smash/Mash - "well, we smashed together the data and found that"
Bump - "how about we try bumping that data to the homes data and see what we get"
Reference - "can you reference the call center list to find the customers with complaints"
I'm not sure if it's better to use the jargon instead of the actual "outer join" or something, but it gives me a little pleasure in my day.
Greg
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Throw - "Can't you just throw all that data onto a report?"
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Been there... The guy actually wanted 99.9% of the db on a single report... he got a sound no way
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"Make" -- Can't you just MAKE a report that will let me see whatever data I want, sorted and grouped however I want?
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No need for an acronym finder on this one : NFW you id 10 t
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I don't know, what type of DBA are you when you can't give me what I want before I know what it is
(oh wait, a normal one 
).Almost as good as people asking to connect to a DB via MS Access cause they don't understand all that sql stuff and access is really good at getting the reports they want.
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Here's funny anecdote from the same guy. He's a very smart computer guy, almost all self thaught. I mean he could teach me stuff for 3 days straight on the MS suite (linking data source in access is almost his specialty). But the only formation he got about DB design/querying is type in the columns you want and hit save. He also always used wizards to generate his queries.
So one time I told him that the query he wanted was the one I presented him and that maybe the problem was bad data or misinterpretation of the requirements. Next thing I know he's opening access and furiouly browsing on the shared drives. After 30 seconds I ask him "what are you looking for". He replies, I want the table files for tables x, y and z on sql server. Trying to not laugh in his face, I start to explain him that sql server uses a single data file and that it is locked from viewing/modifications. He went red cursing at MS and Bill Gates about that peace of $hit and that Access is much better than this no good software. I tried to explain the good points of sql server but to no avail
... And that from the same guy who wants the data to be refreshed on every computer when anyone updates anything on the db
. He's smart but just no DBA material 
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