November 8, 2017 at 9:09 pm
Comments posted to this topic are about the item Introverted vs Extroverted
November 9, 2017 at 2:07 am
I recently read the book 'Quiet' by Susan Cain. She writes about the introvert/extrovert divide. As an introvert I can't recommend the book enough.
November 9, 2017 at 5:45 am
Not a developer by a DBA.
I'm an extrovert married to an introvert (physician).
Knowing how to talk to them doesn't mean "don't talk to them" and leave them alone.
They are people too and get lonely.
Oh, and don't get offended when they don't want to talk to you anymore.... they have met their quota.
November 9, 2017 at 6:42 am
One of the things I like about this work is that I can spend time buried in the machinery rather than socializing. I'm friendly at work, but I avoid excess socialization (like going out with the crew etc). I don't dislike people but both my wife and I don't tend to socialize much with others (except for the granddaughter).
...
-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers --
November 9, 2017 at 7:03 am
Definitely an introvert here. Have been my entire life. Marriage and having kids have changed that a bit, but not significantly. You put me a group of strangers you're not likely to hear much from me other than my name. Once I get to know people it is little better, but even that takes a couple of years.
As I said having a family helps so does my position at work. I am the manager of my department so I have learned to become a bit more social but even still my team is currently offshore and I have no need to interact with most other folks in the office so you really won't catch me in someone's office for small talk. I even eat lunch in my office 99% of the time.
November 9, 2017 at 7:10 am
mercurej - Thursday, November 9, 2017 7:03 AMDefinitely an introvert here. Have been my entire life. Marriage and having kids have changed that a bit, but not significantly. You put me a group of strangers you're not likely to hear much from me other than my name. Once I get to know people it is little better, but even that takes a couple of years.As I said having a family helps so does my position at work. I am the manager of my department so I have learned to become a bit more social but even still my team is currently offshore and I have no need to interact with most other folks in the office so you really won't catch me in someone's office for small talk. I even eat lunch in my office 99% of the time.
I tend to eat my lunch in my office most days too. So if someone asked you a specific question you would answer it correct? It isn't that you won't talk it is that someone just has to ask an intelligent question.
Ben
November 9, 2017 at 7:15 am
As an introvert in America (where extrovert personality traits are usually considered more desirable) it's important to understand that neither introversion or extroversion is "better". If you are an introvert embrace that; don't try to make yourself more extroverted. You won't be effective at anything if you run yourself ragged trying to be the life of the party! Speak up if you have something valuable to add, but don't feel like you need to drive the conversation yourself.
I find the key to being a successful introvert is making sure I get enough "me" time reading, cooking. walking, etc. that I have enough energy to deal with social interactions and speak up when I need to. The key is finding the balance that's right for you.
November 9, 2017 at 7:28 am
bkubicek - Thursday, November 9, 2017 7:10 AMmercurej - Thursday, November 9, 2017 7:03 AMDefinitely an introvert here. Have been my entire life. Marriage and having kids have changed that a bit, but not significantly. You put me a group of strangers you're not likely to hear much from me other than my name. Once I get to know people it is little better, but even that takes a couple of years.As I said having a family helps so does my position at work. I am the manager of my department so I have learned to become a bit more social but even still my team is currently offshore and I have no need to interact with most other folks in the office so you really won't catch me in someone's office for small talk. I even eat lunch in my office 99% of the time.
I tend to eat my lunch in my office most days too. So if someone asked you a specific question you would answer it correct? It isn't that you won't talk it is that someone just has to ask an intelligent question.
Ben
Correct. I would just rather go about my business than stop and interact with people. In some ways I think it is a confidence thing; not about my work skills and knowledge but about me personally. I don't think I am an interesting person so I don't think I have anything to share.
I have definitely learned to become more vocal in work in meetings and such. As a manager, I have no choice. But once it turns to a socializing situation, I shut down unless I am addressed directly.
I do have a couple of close friends with whom I don't have this problem (quirk) and of course my brothers but after that, if I don't know you I am not offering much in way of conversation.
November 9, 2017 at 7:38 am
bkubicek - Wednesday, November 8, 2017 9:09 PMCommunication is important and keeping things to yourself really doesn’t help anybody. I suppose if the thoughts you are keeping to yourself are negative ones about why this or that idea won’t work, perhaps you should keep that to yourself. I am talking about positive communication, solutions to issues, ideas that might help. Or potential pit falls being raised in a way to make people aware, but not trying to condemn the project to failure.
I think it's just this type of attitude that CAUSES people to keep things to themselves! There have been a number of times in my professional and personal life, where I see the same person make the same mistake time and time again, and fail time and time again because of it. Yet if the attitude persists that I'm just being negative by bringing attention to the fact that the same mistakes are happening or "why this or that idea won't work" then I do stop communicating about it because no one is willing to listen. Sure I can exist and have, in that mode where I keep things to myself because everyone will just get down on me for being negative, but the environments where I've been most successful in professional and personal life is when people are willing to hear both the positive and negative. Both are important. Just because others may not analyze things the same way I do, so don't come up with the same conclusions I do, doesn't invalidate when I figure out that something is very likely to fail.
November 9, 2017 at 7:41 am
Yes, this question bothers me - and I think we should proceed very carefully with labels.
I portray aspects of both. I'm quite chatty, will always stick my oar into a debate but I really don't like groups of more than about six and I'm very happy working on my own for a couple of days.
I'm 50 years old now and the IT industry is much more mature than when I started. I had a college lecturer tell me that he wasn't sure IT was for me because I was too extrovert. If I had listened I would have made the wrong career choice.
I think labels like this should really only be used as starting considerations when trying to understand how to get the best out of people but they are blunt instruments indeed.
November 9, 2017 at 7:44 am
As for being an introvert vs extrovert, I find I very wildly depending on the individual or group of people I'm dealing with. There's some people I've known for years that I still feel awkward talking to about my ideas or opinions, and others that I just meet that I feel I can almost be stream of consciousness with in communicating to them.
November 9, 2017 at 7:46 am
Chris Harshman - Thursday, November 9, 2017 7:38 AMbkubicek - Wednesday, November 8, 2017 9:09 PMCommunication is important and keeping things to yourself really doesn’t help anybody. I suppose if the thoughts you are keeping to yourself are negative ones about why this or that idea won’t work, perhaps you should keep that to yourself. I am talking about positive communication, solutions to issues, ideas that might help. Or potential pit falls being raised in a way to make people aware, but not trying to condemn the project to failure.I think it's just this type of attitude that CAUSES people to keep things to themselves! There have been a number of times in my professional and personal life, where I see the same person make the same mistake time and time again, and fail time and time again because of it. Yet if the attitude persists that I'm just being negative by bringing attention to the fact that the same mistakes are happening or "why this or that idea won't work" then I do stop communicating about it because no one is willing to listen. Sure I can exist and have, in that mode where I keep things to myself because everyone will just get down on me for being negative, but the environments where I've been most successful in professional and personal life is when people are willing to hear both the positive and negative. Both are important. Just because others may not analyze things the same way I do, so don't come up with the same conclusions I do, doesn't invalidate when I figure out that something is very likely to fail.
That's true, you have to be able to communicate the negatives as well as the positives. It about how it is delivered. Done constructively then that's great. Done bluntly, that's when folks take offense and shut down or become argumentative.
November 9, 2017 at 7:48 am
Chris Harshman - Thursday, November 9, 2017 7:38 AMbkubicek - Wednesday, November 8, 2017 9:09 PMCommunication is important and keeping things to yourself really doesn’t help anybody. I suppose if the thoughts you are keeping to yourself are negative ones about why this or that idea won’t work, perhaps you should keep that to yourself. I am talking about positive communication, solutions to issues, ideas that might help. Or potential pit falls being raised in a way to make people aware, but not trying to condemn the project to failure.I think it's just this type of attitude that CAUSES people to keep things to themselves! There have been a number of times in my professional and personal life, where I see the same person make the same mistake time and time again, and fail time and time again because of it. Yet if the attitude persists that I'm just being negative by bringing attention to the fact that the same mistakes are happening or "why this or that idea won't work" then I do stop communicating about it because no one is willing to listen. Sure I can exist and have, in that mode where I keep things to myself because everyone will just get down on me for being negative, but the environments where I've been most successful in professional and personal life is when people are willing to hear both the positive and negative. Both are important. Just because others may not analyze things the same way I do, so don't come up with the same conclusions I do, doesn't invalidate when I figure out that something is very likely to fail.
I am not trying to say negative comments should never be brought up. I have just experience general negativity (kind of like general relativity, not really) in some meetings from some people that often think any new idea or change is doomed to failure.
Ben
November 9, 2017 at 7:48 am
Chris Harshman - Thursday, November 9, 2017 7:44 AMAs for being an introvert vs extrovert, I find I very wildly depending on the individual or group of people I'm dealing with. There's some people I've known for years that I still feel awkward talking to about my ideas or opinions, and others that I just meet that I feel I can almost be stream of consciousness with in communicating to them.
So do people drain you or energize you?
Ben
November 9, 2017 at 8:13 am
I know you personally aren't trying to say that, my point was that I've experienced some people will see anything remotely negative as bad, even if I try to be diplomatic or constructive about it, and they think I should just keep it to myself.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 42 total)
You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Login to reply