How do you vulgarize a DBA's job?

  • I tell people that my job description is specifically designed to see how fast a person's eyes can glaze over. The entertainment starts there.

    - Gus "GSquared", RSVP, OODA, MAP, NMVP, FAQ, SAT, SQL, DNA, RNA, UOI, IOU, AM, PM, AD, BC, BCE, USA, UN, CF, ROFL, LOL, ETC
    Property of The Thread

    "Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everyone agrees it's old enough to know better." - Anon

  • GSquared (4/29/2011)


    I tell people that my job description is specifically designed to see how fast a person's eyes can glaze over. The entertainment starts there.

    I may have to steal that one. @=)

    Brandie Tarvin, MCITP Database AdministratorLiveJournal Blog: http://brandietarvin.livejournal.com/[/url]On LinkedIn!, Google+, and Twitter.Freelance Writer: ShadowrunLatchkeys: Nevermore, Latchkeys: The Bootleg War, and Latchkeys: Roscoes in the Night are now available on Nook and Kindle.

  • Thanks for all the ideas. I'll try them.

    Some gave me a laugh or two 😉

    ___________________________________
    I love you but you're standing on my foot.

  • Brandie Tarvin (4/29/2011)


    GSquared (4/29/2011)


    I tell people that my job description is specifically designed to see how fast a person's eyes can glaze over. The entertainment starts there.

    I may have to steal that one. @=)

    I already have. 🙂 She insisted I explain anyway. 35 seconds till glaze. :w00t:


    - Craig Farrell

    Never stop learning, even if it hurts. Ego bruises are practically mandatory as you learn unless you've never risked enough to make a mistake.

    For better assistance in answering your questions[/url] | Forum Netiquette
    For index/tuning help, follow these directions.[/url] |Tally Tables[/url]

    Twitter: @AnyWayDBA

  • Craig Farrell (5/2/2011)


    Brandie Tarvin (4/29/2011)


    GSquared (4/29/2011)


    I tell people that my job description is specifically designed to see how fast a person's eyes can glaze over. The entertainment starts there.

    I may have to steal that one. @=)

    I already have. 🙂 She insisted I explain anyway. 35 seconds till glaze. :w00t:

    Your explaination must have been too clear and concise. You must find a new opening!

  • Tell them you're a sewer worker. (Deal with enough crappy data, it's true!!!) 😀

  • chrisn-585491 (5/2/2011)


    Tell them your a sewer worker. (Deal with enough crappy, data, it's true!!!) 😀

    "What's your job description?"

    "&*%^#JH#$*^*@HASR #(&#%HFK and #$%&*(#FJE##%GAH!"

    Brandie Tarvin, MCITP Database AdministratorLiveJournal Blog: http://brandietarvin.livejournal.com/[/url]On LinkedIn!, Google+, and Twitter.Freelance Writer: ShadowrunLatchkeys: Nevermore, Latchkeys: The Bootleg War, and Latchkeys: Roscoes in the Night are now available on Nook and Kindle.

  • Ninja's_RGR'us (4/29/2011)


    Ian-440692 (4/29/2011)


    I tried saying I worked with computers, but had so many requests to fix printers or help set up wireless networks that I changed and now I say I am a taxi driver. Nobody ever asks me for a free lift to the airport! why is that?

    Drug dealer ends the conversation even faster...

    Just tried that.

    DOH! was talking to a HM Revenue & Customs Officer.

    long silence, then she said she was only joking, was in fact an accountant.

    PHEW!

    might go back to telling the truth 🙂

  • Craig Farrell (5/2/2011)


    Brandie Tarvin (4/29/2011)


    GSquared (4/29/2011)


    I tell people that my job description is specifically designed to see how fast a person's eyes can glaze over. The entertainment starts there.

    I may have to steal that one. @=)

    I already have. 🙂 She insisted I explain anyway. 35 seconds till glaze. :w00t:

    35 seconds!?!? You are either giving way too plain-English a description, or she's got excellent glaze-control.

    If it starts out, "I administer binary stores of semi-relational data, usually optimized for ACID-controlled creation, retrieval, modification and removal, for both OLAP and OLTP functionality ...", you can usually get eye-glaze inside of the first 4 words. Some people last all the way up to "optimized". The few that make it as far as "OLTP" are probably DBAs themselves. After that point, you could probably begin quoting from Shakespear, and everyone's so unconscious they won't notice.

    - Gus "GSquared", RSVP, OODA, MAP, NMVP, FAQ, SAT, SQL, DNA, RNA, UOI, IOU, AM, PM, AD, BC, BCE, USA, UN, CF, ROFL, LOL, ETC
    Property of The Thread

    "Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everyone agrees it's old enough to know better." - Anon

  • I just tell them I work in the Matrix.

  • I go the way of GSquared. I don't even get follow-up questions. People just look dazed and move on.

  • GSquared (5/3/2011)


    Craig Farrell (5/2/2011)


    Brandie Tarvin (4/29/2011)


    GSquared (4/29/2011)


    I tell people that my job description is specifically designed to see how fast a person's eyes can glaze over. The entertainment starts there.

    I may have to steal that one. @=)

    I already have. 🙂 She insisted I explain anyway. 35 seconds till glaze. :w00t:

    35 seconds!?!? You are either giving way too plain-English a description, or she's got excellent glaze-control.

    If it starts out, "I administer binary stores of semi-relational data, usually optimized for ACID-controlled creation, retrieval, modification and removal, for both OLAP and OLTP functionality ...", you can usually get eye-glaze inside of the first 4 words. Some people last all the way up to "optimized". The few that make it as far as "OLTP" are probably DBAs themselves. After that point, you could probably begin quoting from Shakespear, and everyone's so unconscious they won't notice.

    :laugh:


    - Craig Farrell

    Never stop learning, even if it hurts. Ego bruises are practically mandatory as you learn unless you've never risked enough to make a mistake.

    For better assistance in answering your questions[/url] | Forum Netiquette
    For index/tuning help, follow these directions.[/url] |Tally Tables[/url]

    Twitter: @AnyWayDBA

  • My former co-worker who is a SAP Basis admin and former DBA just uses the title Currency Artist to avoid trying to explain what he really does. He has quite a back story to it as well, it's very entertaining.

    Tim

  • This has been a question that has vexed me as well and I like many of the responses. My girlfriend has some technical skills but finds the fact she has no idea what I do to be rather attractive. If anyone does ask me I just give them my full title and that usually induces eye-glaze.

  • Most people I meet assume DBA means "Doing Business As" and invariably ask "Doing business as what?"

    I'm going to start responding with "A janitor for programmers."

    Honestly, with all the bad data that gets passed to our systems, doesn't it feel like we're exactly that?

    Brandie Tarvin, MCITP Database AdministratorLiveJournal Blog: http://brandietarvin.livejournal.com/[/url]On LinkedIn!, Google+, and Twitter.Freelance Writer: ShadowrunLatchkeys: Nevermore, Latchkeys: The Bootleg War, and Latchkeys: Roscoes in the Night are now available on Nook and Kindle.

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