May 8, 2016 at 12:29 am
Comments posted to this topic are about the item Don’t Miss Out on an Opportunity to Connect
May 9, 2016 at 1:26 am
Never cry over spilled milk, because it may have been poisoned.
May 9, 2016 at 1:41 am
That's not really the spirit is it now? I'd imagine the majority of us here will avoid meeting folk when we don't have to but I often agree that us technological introverts should try and reach out more.
Having said that I'm not inclined to so do - I could sit and read for the rest of my days and never talk to anyone again very easily. Though it might not help my bottom line.
I would say the last time I really acted out of character was attending a Valentine's Day party where I knew that I would only really know the hostess. It turned out to be a lot of fun and I met my wife there. These days the best I do is attending children's parties and making the effort to talk to other parents, rather than sit on the phone. I'm not totally convinced...
May 9, 2016 at 1:53 am
call.copse (5/9/2016)
@KyrillukThat's not really the spirit is it now? I'd imagine the majority of us here will avoid meeting folk when we don't have to but I often agree that us technological introverts should try and reach out more.
My point is that we have to trust our instincts. If we don't make the time for some people it is often because we know subconsciously that we are not going to get on that well. I mean, how many time have we tried to be friend with someone to realize after a while that we let the friendship die out slowly out of boredom? We only have a limited time to devote to people outside our family and friends circle. Any time spent on building new friendship will be at the cost of maintaining your current circle of friends and family members.
Now things are different if we don't have a family or a good circle of friends already. But this is not what I gathered from the article.
May 9, 2016 at 4:26 am
Kyrilluk (5/9/2016)
call.copse (5/9/2016)
@KyrillukThat's not really the spirit is it now? I'd imagine the majority of us here will avoid meeting folk when we don't have to but I often agree that us technological introverts should try and reach out more.
My point is that we have to trust our instincts. If we don't make the time for some people it is often because we know subconsciously that we are not going to get on that well. I mean, how many time have we tried to be friend with someone to realize after a while that we let the friendship die out slowly out of boredom? We only have a limited time to devote to people outside our family and friends circle. Any time spent on building new friendship will be at the cost of maintaining your current circle of friends and family members.
Now things are different if we don't have a family or a good circle of friends already. But this is not what I gathered from the article.
But on the other hand, we could miss out on some deep relationships with other people because of our lack of ability to put time aside. I know I find it very difficult to make time to make new friends (I find it stressful spending time with someone I'm not close to), and no doubt I have missed out on knowing some wonderful people because of that.
I see what you're saying though, quite often we'll meet someone and know we're not going to 'click'. But I don't think the article is referring to those situations. There's quite a few people I've met through my group of friends - their girlfriends come and go, but sometimes I really like one and always intend to make time to go for dinner and get to know them better. Next thing I know, a year's passed, they're no longer my friends girlfriend and it's too awkward to arrange a catch-up. Perhaps if I had put time aside, those would have blossomed into friendships.
May 9, 2016 at 7:00 am
I should connect more with my dispersed family.
May 9, 2016 at 8:46 am
I wholeheartedly agree with the article. I appreciate the American independent spirit which conjoins with personal responsibility, however as a culture many of us have become isolated, distant, and perhaps even lost the art of communication in a screen-saturated world. Last statistic I heard on this subject was that 33% of Americans don't even interact with their neighbors. (http://www.citylab.com/housing/2015/08/why-wont-you-be-my-neighbor/401762/)
I've tried to turn that around. Each year I organize a block party with my neighbors, most of whom are significantly older than me. Creating and fostering relationships with them has been mutually beneficial. I've enjoyed learning more about the history of the community and opportunities that are here. Borrowing tools and help with my kids has been a big blessing too!
I know time is limited but as humans are social creatures we all benefit from more interactions that help our understanding of one another.
May 9, 2016 at 9:10 am
Introvert - in that shirt!! I don't think so.
A good story for all of us Steve. I think we've all done similar. We can't change the past though
May 9, 2016 at 9:39 am
My elderly next door neighbor asked for me and my wife to come over and join him and his wife for dinner when we can sometime. That offer was over a few months ago. I need to ask if the offer still stands and do it.
Thanks for posting this Steve!
--Todd
May 9, 2016 at 9:40 am
I am torn on this issue since I have definitely felt that I have missed out on friendship opportunities in the past but at the same time, I have also tried to get to know people around me who did not reciprocate that feeling too. My view on this is if it is always one party putting out more effort than the other then there probably isn't anything there. If you constantly chat with someone and they never comment on having you over or going out to do something then I would make the offer once or twice. If they respond positively but then cancel on you or they do not follow up on making plans then that is on them and it is now their turn to reach out to you. Otherwise, if you keep asking they will probably consider you a pest and then stop being friendly altogether.
It doesn't sound like the author got invitations from his neighbor to come over so it is hard to tell if this potential friendship was a one-sided thing or not. The neighbor might have just been neighborly and was happy leaving it at that.
May 9, 2016 at 12:05 pm
I wholeheartedly agree with the editorial and the sentiment. It's not crying over spilt milk, it's learning and growing, there's a big difference. And Ben took the time to share his thoughts and feelings, which I think is a growing thing too. Thank you for that, Ben.
I surely miss neighbors who give a darn. When someone is this wonderful, it's a blessing.
Each of us should take a page from this helpful neighbor's page, and try to do the same with our neighbors.
But most of you won't, many of you are too self-absorbed with daily living. Do you involve yourself with your family? Start there. I have three sons whom I mostly never hear from.
You'll find that people are all that matter. The servers may come and go and blow up ... but the people are what counts.
I believe this is ultimately our purpose here, to love and support others, but then I am a bleeding heart, and I know it.
My 2 cents:
Embrace your fellow man. You'll get more back than you ever began to imagine.
May 9, 2016 at 1:39 pm
Top 5 regrets of the dying[/url]
Not wanting to bring anyone down and/or depressive but it does make you wonder, we're only here in this existence for ultimately a short time. Making the best of it can seem to the tricky part. :unsure:
qh
May 10, 2016 at 7:44 am
I changed from always putting stuff off to doing a lot of things through a lot of gradual change and two big distinct ones. The gradual changes were to let friendships go that weren't two sided (sometimes they end, or even pause, and it is less than healthy to waste time dwelling on it - move onwards and upwards - without the futile apportioning of blame), make greater effort with friendships that are continuing and also value time for oneself. The two distinct changes were getting involved with the local community (including the Rugby and Cricket clubs) and joining the (field) hockey club my wife played for.
This has lead me to a healthier work/life balance and a happier me.
Gaz
-- Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen...they're everywhere!!!
May 10, 2016 at 11:07 am
I have found over the last 25 years it gets more difficult to make new friends as people tend to keep themselves to themselves. In the eighties I knew everyone is the small street where I live - have been there for nearly thirty years. Now I know just three (out of twelve). Saying that I made a new friend half my age this year - probably as we share an interest in classic cars and own similar cars. My main effort now is to keep up with old friends. For one reason or another bar the odd phone call or e-mail I had not seen one of my best friends for three years. He died suddenly so we never went out for that drink and catch up. In recent years I have lost friends of 53, 55, 57 and 63 - all suddenly and unexpectedly. Also as mentioned previously it is best to let friendships that become one sided and give you nothing in return go...
May 10, 2016 at 6:20 pm
Unusual question, for a Monday. At this point in my life, purely due to circumstances, there really isn't anyone, especially at work, that I wish to get to know better. I take a long train ride to work each day, so part of that is that many of my co-workers live about 75 miles or more away from me. Making a "gets just hop over there and see what they're doing tonight" not really a viable option. The rest are well, just OK. Please don't get me wrong, everyone I've had the pleasure of working with in this current job, is nice. But I feel no particular affinity towards any of them.
Rod
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