Beat this - comic relief for the day

Question

Beat this - comic relief for the day

jcrawf02

SSC-Insane

Points: 24198
More actions
August 1, 2008 at 11:32 am

#382112

Stumbled across this at work, just had to share.
SET QUOTED_IDENTIFIER ON
GO
SET ANSI_NULLS ON
GO
ALTER procedure dbo.spProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations
AS
Select *
From
vwProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations
GO
SET QUOTED_IDENTIFIER OFF
GO
SET ANSI_NULLS ON
GO
How's that for efficient? :w00t:
---------------------------------------------------------
How best to post your question[/url]
How to post performance problems[/url]
Tally Table:What it is and how it replaces a loop[/url]
"stewsterl 80804 (10/16/2009)I guess when you stop and try to understand the solution provided you not only learn, but save yourself some headaches when you need to make any slight changes."

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Grant Fritchey SSC Guru Points: 398882 More actions · Answer 1

Sweet. Nice security. No one will ever know that we're running everything off an Access DB

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt

Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning

Steve Jones - SSC Editor SSC Guru Points: 736183 More actions · Answer 2

Steve Jones - SSC Editor

SSC Guru

Points: 736183

August 1, 2008 at 12:33 pm

#852113

Very nice.

OptimusPrime Ten Centuries Points: 1379 More actions · Answer 3

OptimusPrime

Ten Centuries

Points: 1379

August 1, 2008 at 3:30 pm

#852202

That guy needs a raise! 😛

Alvin Ramard SSC-Forever Points: 41190 More actions · Answer 4

I can't help but wonder if the view definition looks something like:

create view vwProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations

as

Select *

From

ProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations

end

Alvin Ramard
Memphis PASS Chapter[/url]

All my SSC forum answers come with a money back guarantee. If you didn't like the answer then I'll gladly refund what you paid for it.

For best practices on asking questions, please read the following article: Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help[/url]

Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1004329 More actions · Answer 5

Heh... c'mon now... {clutching sides in laughter... almost fell out of chair}, that developer is doing the best (s)he can...

Thanks for the Friday laugh...

Steve, you should start a "Darwin Award" forum... this should be the first entry. 😛

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

Grant Fritchey SSC Guru Points: 398882 More actions · Answer 6

Well, not to give competition to Steve... OK, it won't, but there is

www.sqldumbass.com

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt

Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning

Gail Shaw SSC Guru Points: 1004504 More actions · Answer 7

Alvin Ramard (8/1/2008)
I can't help but wonder if the view definition looks something like:
create view vwProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations
as
Select *
From
ProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations
end

Or

create view vwProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations

as

Select *

From

tbProviderDirectoryReportWithAllServiceLocations

to keep with the prefix style.

I think someone took the 'use stored procedures' rule just a little far.

Gail Shaw
Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, MVP, M.Sc (Comp Sci)
SQL In The Wild: Discussions on DB performance with occasional diversions into recoverability

We walk in the dark places no others will enter
We stand on the bridge and no one may pass

Gail Shaw SSC Guru Points: 1004504 More actions · Answer 8

Grant Fritchey (8/2/2008)
Well, not to give competition to Steve... OK, it won't, but there is
www.sqldumbass.com

I love that blog. Just wish it was updated more often.

Gail Shaw
Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, MVP, M.Sc (Comp Sci)
SQL In The Wild: Discussions on DB performance with occasional diversions into recoverability

We walk in the dark places no others will enter
We stand on the bridge and no one may pass

Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1004329 More actions · Answer 9

What I think is interesting about that blog, is that it's the person writing the blog who is sometimes the "dumbass". One guy wrote about the ol' turbo button prank trick he played on a developer who actually took the time to ask for help... that developer will never ask that DBA for help again and that's a real shame. The DBA was nothing but a BSOFH.;)

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

Gail Shaw SSC Guru Points: 1004504 More actions · Answer 10

I thought much the same on that particular post, though there may be history that we don't know of. The other authors are fine (imho)

I think you'll appreciate the latest posting there. :hehe:

Gail Shaw
Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, MVP, M.Sc (Comp Sci)
SQL In The Wild: Discussions on DB performance with occasional diversions into recoverability

We walk in the dark places no others will enter
We stand on the bridge and no one may pass

RBarryYoung SSC Guru Points: 143329 More actions · Answer 11

Jeff Moden (8/2/2008)
The DBA was nothing but a BSOFH.;)

Uuuhh, ... "Big Stupid Old Fart-Head"?

[font="Times New Roman"]-- RBarryYoung[/font], [font="Times New Roman"] (302)375-0451[/font] blog: MovingSQL.com, Twitter: @RBarryYoung [font="Arial Black"]
Proactive Performance Solutions, Inc. [/font][font="Verdana"] "Performance is our middle name."[/font]

Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1004329 More actions · Answer 12

rbarryyoung (8/2/2008)
Jeff Moden (8/2/2008)
The DBA was nothing but a BSOFH.;)
Uuuhh, ... "Big Stupid Old Fart-Head"?

Heh... Ummm... no... what's your user name again? 😉

http://members.iinet.net.au/~bofh/bofh/bofh2.html

http://members.iinet.net.au/~bofh/

The "SO" stands for "SysOP"... you can figure out the rest from the links above. They're actually funny as all get out... 😛

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

RBarryYoung SSC Guru Points: 143329 More actions · Answer 13

Oh yeah, I remember that one from way back. Heh.

[font="Times New Roman"]-- RBarryYoung[/font], [font="Times New Roman"] (302)375-0451[/font] blog: MovingSQL.com, Twitter: @RBarryYoung [font="Arial Black"]
Proactive Performance Solutions, Inc. [/font][font="Verdana"] "Performance is our middle name."[/font]

Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1004329 More actions · Answer 14

Heh... I just saw this code posted on our very own forums as part of some dynamic SQL... link withheld to protect the guilty... 😉

,CASE schedule.[letter_box_yn] WHEN ''Y'' THEN ''Y'' WHEN ''N'' THEN ''N'' END AS ''letter_box''

,CASE schedule.[continued_yn] WHEN ''Y'' THEN ''Y'' WHEN ''N'' THEN ''N'' END AS ''continued''

,CASE schedule.[subtitled_yn] WHEN ''Y'' THEN ''Y''WHEN ''N'' THEN ''N'' END AS ''subtitled''

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)