April 1, 2014 at 5:24 am
April 1st, the day when the internet loses its collective mind (did it ever have it to begin with?) and starts throwing out "jokes" (term used loosely, your sense of humor may differ from mine, results may vary, call your doctor if you have...)
Sigh.
I think it's finally gotten to the point where the gags have gotten boring. Phony news releases (VALVE Software announces Half Life 3 to be released May 31st, 2014!) etc. I was half expecting to click my bookmark for here and get taken to "Oracle Database Central" today...
You know what?
It's time for the internet to step up its game!
No more phony press releases, gag news stories, etc!
No, go for the visual gags!
Flip your web page 180 degrees, so people have to scroll UP the page!
Invert the colors!
Mirror the page!
Encode your *real* news with ROT13!
SOMETHING!
Sheesh.
I'm tempted to hit Slashdot just to see what they're doing today, and I haven't been there in a couple years...
OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
April 1, 2014 at 5:27 am
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
April 1st, the day when the internet loses its collective mind (did it ever have it to begin with?) and starts throwing out "jokes" (term used loosely, your sense of humor may differ from mine, results may vary, call your doctor if you have...)Sigh.
I think it's finally gotten to the point where the gags have gotten boring. Phony news releases (VALVE Software announces Half Life 3 to be released May 31st, 2014!) etc. I was half expecting to click my bookmark for here and get taken to "Oracle Database Central" today...
You know what?
It's time for the internet to step up its game!
No more phony press releases, gag news stories, etc!
No, go for the visual gags!
Flip your web page 180 degrees, so people have to scroll UP the page!
Invert the colors!
Mirror the page!
Encode your *real* news with ROT13!
SOMETHING!
Sheesh.
I'm tempted to hit Slashdot just to see what they're doing today, and I haven't been there in a couple years...
OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt
Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning
April 1, 2014 at 5:33 am
Grant Fritchey (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
April 1st, the day when the internet loses its collective mind (did it ever have it to begin with?) and starts throwing out "jokes" (term used loosely, your sense of humor may differ from mine, results may vary, call your doctor if you have...)Sigh.
I think it's finally gotten to the point where the gags have gotten boring. Phony news releases (VALVE Software announces Half Life 3 to be released May 31st, 2014!) etc. I was half expecting to click my bookmark for here and get taken to "Oracle Database Central" today...
You know what?
It's time for the internet to step up its game!
No more phony press releases, gag news stories, etc!
No, go for the visual gags!
Flip your web page 180 degrees, so people have to scroll UP the page!
Invert the colors!
Mirror the page!
Encode your *real* news with ROT13!
SOMETHING!
Sheesh.
I'm tempted to hit Slashdot just to see what they're doing today, and I haven't been there in a couple years...
OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
/me falls to floor foaming at the mouth...
😉
Yeah, OK, I ranted, I admit it. Today I can see plenty of fun though, what with SQL2014 being released (WTF was MS thinking? They had to KNOW people are going to post things like that, or Steves' "Licensing by scale" article) but the bogus news stories, etc...
C'mon folks, it's gotten old!
Or I have.
Maybe it's me.
I don't find fart jokes funny anymore...
Hmm...
Yeah, I guess it's just me...
April 1, 2014 at 6:12 am
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
...OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
You're not old!
April 1, 2014 at 6:22 am
Lynn Pettis (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
...OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
You're not old!
Personally, I really hope you're not old at 44. 😉
April 1, 2014 at 6:57 am
Ed Wagner (4/1/2014)
Lynn Pettis (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
...OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
You're not old!
Personally, I really hope you're not old at 44. 😉
Ditto. I'm 51.
"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt
Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning
April 1, 2014 at 7:06 am
Grant Fritchey (4/1/2014)
Ed Wagner (4/1/2014)
Lynn Pettis (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
...OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
You're not old!
Personally, I really hope you're not old at 44. 😉
Ditto. I'm 51.
YOU KIDS GET OFFIN MAH LAWN!
:hehe:
Yeah, OK, fine, I'm not "old." Not even sure I'd call myself "seasoned." Maybe "marinated."
:hehe:
April 1, 2014 at 7:25 am
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
Grant Fritchey (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
April 1st, the day when the internet loses its collective mind (did it ever have it to begin with?) and starts throwing out "jokes" (term used loosely, your sense of humor may differ from mine, results may vary, call your doctor if you have...)Sigh.
I think it's finally gotten to the point where the gags have gotten boring. Phony news releases (VALVE Software announces Half Life 3 to be released May 31st, 2014!) etc. I was half expecting to click my bookmark for here and get taken to "Oracle Database Central" today...
You know what?
It's time for the internet to step up its game!
No more phony press releases, gag news stories, etc!
No, go for the visual gags!
Flip your web page 180 degrees, so people have to scroll UP the page!
Invert the colors!
Mirror the page!
Encode your *real* news with ROT13!
SOMETHING!
Sheesh.
I'm tempted to hit Slashdot just to see what they're doing today, and I haven't been there in a couple years...
OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
/me falls to floor foaming at the mouth...
😉
Yeah, OK, I ranted, I admit it. Today I can see plenty of fun though, what with SQL2014 being released (WTF was MS thinking? They had to KNOW people are going to post things like that, or Steves' "Licensing by scale" article) but the bogus news stories, etc...
C'mon folks, it's gotten old!
Or I have.
Maybe it's me.
I don't find fart jokes funny anymore...
Hmm...
Yeah, I guess it's just me...
Speaking of farts...
Ok, Grant… you owe me a new monitor, keyboard, and some fresh underpants. I blew coffee out of every facial orfice laughing and farted really hard after I read your April 1st article about 2014. “It Depends” suddenly has a whole new meaning for this ol’ man. Too funny!
The odd part is that you actually might not be that far off especially where Hekaton is concerned. It’ll be interesting to see how many people lose or overwrite data by mistake with the rather optimistic locking done there.
--Jeff Moden
Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.
April 1, 2014 at 7:37 am
GilaMonster (4/1/2014)
Ok..."The language is expressive, easily readable and values explicitness. Abbreviations and corrupted spelling should be avoided in variable names"
and the string data type is 'str'
snigger
Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events
April 1, 2014 at 7:39 am
Ed Wagner (4/1/2014)
Lynn Pettis (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
...OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
You're not old!
Personally, I really hope you're not old at 44. 😉
Personally I hope you're not 44 cuz that is really old.
Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events
April 1, 2014 at 7:41 am
Jeff Moden (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
Grant Fritchey (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
April 1st, the day when the internet loses its collective mind (did it ever have it to begin with?) and starts throwing out "jokes" (term used loosely, your sense of humor may differ from mine, results may vary, call your doctor if you have...)Sigh.
I think it's finally gotten to the point where the gags have gotten boring. Phony news releases (VALVE Software announces Half Life 3 to be released May 31st, 2014!) etc. I was half expecting to click my bookmark for here and get taken to "Oracle Database Central" today...
You know what?
It's time for the internet to step up its game!
No more phony press releases, gag news stories, etc!
No, go for the visual gags!
Flip your web page 180 degrees, so people have to scroll UP the page!
Invert the colors!
Mirror the page!
Encode your *real* news with ROT13!
SOMETHING!
Sheesh.
I'm tempted to hit Slashdot just to see what they're doing today, and I haven't been there in a couple years...
OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
/me falls to floor foaming at the mouth...
😉
Yeah, OK, I ranted, I admit it. Today I can see plenty of fun though, what with SQL2014 being released (WTF was MS thinking? They had to KNOW people are going to post things like that, or Steves' "Licensing by scale" article) but the bogus news stories, etc...
C'mon folks, it's gotten old!
Or I have.
Maybe it's me.
I don't find fart jokes funny anymore...
Hmm...
Yeah, I guess it's just me...
Speaking of farts...
Ok, Grant… you owe me a new monitor, keyboard, and some fresh underpants. I blew coffee out of every facial orfice laughing and farted really hard after I read your April 1st article about 2014. “It Depends” suddenly has a whole new meaning for this ol’ man. Too funny!
The odd part is that you actually might not be that far off especially where Hekaton is concerned. It’ll be interesting to see how many people lose or overwrite data by mistake with the rather optimistic locking done there.
Excellent. Well worth the cost of the monitor & keyboard. I've got a 13 inch picture tube monitor and a gateway serial keyboard on their way to you.
Yeah, I can't wait to see how deep the holes on Hekaton are.
"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt
Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning
April 1, 2014 at 7:48 am
Steve Jones - SSC Editor (3/28/2014)
GilaMonster (3/28/2014)
Ed Wagner (3/28/2014)
Grant - You have booth babes??? :w00t:Grant *is* the booth 'babe' 🙂
What am I?
You're the Editor, the guy with the mustache and cigar who's always yelling about Spiderman and then downs a fifth of Scotch.
---------------------------------------------------------
How best to post your question[/url]
How to post performance problems[/url]
Tally Table:What it is and how it replaces a loop[/url]
"stewsterl 80804 (10/16/2009)I guess when you stop and try to understand the solution provided you not only learn, but save yourself some headaches when you need to make any slight changes."
April 1, 2014 at 7:51 am
SQLRNNR (4/1/2014)
Ed Wagner (4/1/2014)
Lynn Pettis (4/1/2014)
jasona.work (4/1/2014)
...OK, old man rant off (crap, 44 is just 3.5 weeks away!)
You're not old!
Personally, I really hope you're not old at 44. 😉
Personally I hope you're not 44 cuz that is really old.
At 46, I don't consider myself old, but there are times when I sure do feel like it.
April 1, 2014 at 7:57 am
Sean Lange (3/31/2014)
Ed Wagner (3/31/2014)
rodjkidd (3/31/2014)
I do like paying it forward.Got an email from friend who was stuck on working out how many days old a debt is at the end of the month, and then flagging any that are 361 days or more.
To my trusty SSC briefcase and Lynn's common date routines, to work out the last day of the month... Because I don't remember them, just need to remember Lynn wrote an article on them! :w00t:
Cheers again to the forum and people taking the time to answer questions and post articles
Rodders...
I know this article well. It has come in handy many times.
+1
In fact, I have referred to that article so many times I just created myself a stored proc to return the info to me without having to load the page. 😀
create procedure [dbo].[CommonDateRoutines] as
select 'dateadd(dd, datediff(dd, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this day'
, 'dateadd(dd, datediff(dd, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next day'
, 'dateadd(dd, datediff(dd, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous day'
, 'dateadd(wk, datediff(wk, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this week (Monday)'
, 'dateadd(wk, datediff(wk, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next week (Monday)'
, 'dateadd(wk, datediff(wk, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous week (Monday)'
, 'dateadd(mm, datediff(mm, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this month'
, 'dateadd(mm, datediff(mm, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next month'
, 'dateadd(mm, datediff(mm, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous month'
, 'dateadd(qq, datediff(qq, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this quarter (Calendar)'
, 'dateadd(qq, datediff(qq, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next quarter (Calendar)'
, 'dateadd(qq, datediff(qq, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous quarter (Calendar)'
, 'dateadd(yy, datediff(yy, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this year'
, 'dateadd(yy, datediff(yy, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next year'
, 'dateadd(yy, datediff(yy, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous year'
...huh. Do you have any idea how many times I've explained how using the two functions together works to someone? And how much of my life I now know is wasted, because you created this lovely thing that I could just pass along and tell people to feed data into? I hate you.
---------------------------------------------------------
How best to post your question[/url]
How to post performance problems[/url]
Tally Table:What it is and how it replaces a loop[/url]
"stewsterl 80804 (10/16/2009)I guess when you stop and try to understand the solution provided you not only learn, but save yourself some headaches when you need to make any slight changes."
April 1, 2014 at 8:00 am
jcrawf02 (4/1/2014)
Sean Lange (3/31/2014)
Ed Wagner (3/31/2014)
rodjkidd (3/31/2014)
I do like paying it forward.Got an email from friend who was stuck on working out how many days old a debt is at the end of the month, and then flagging any that are 361 days or more.
To my trusty SSC briefcase and Lynn's common date routines, to work out the last day of the month... Because I don't remember them, just need to remember Lynn wrote an article on them! :w00t:
Cheers again to the forum and people taking the time to answer questions and post articles
Rodders...
I know this article well. It has come in handy many times.
+1
In fact, I have referred to that article so many times I just created myself a stored proc to return the info to me without having to load the page. 😀
create procedure [dbo].[CommonDateRoutines] as
select 'dateadd(dd, datediff(dd, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this day'
, 'dateadd(dd, datediff(dd, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next day'
, 'dateadd(dd, datediff(dd, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous day'
, 'dateadd(wk, datediff(wk, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this week (Monday)'
, 'dateadd(wk, datediff(wk, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next week (Monday)'
, 'dateadd(wk, datediff(wk, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous week (Monday)'
, 'dateadd(mm, datediff(mm, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this month'
, 'dateadd(mm, datediff(mm, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next month'
, 'dateadd(mm, datediff(mm, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous month'
, 'dateadd(qq, datediff(qq, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this quarter (Calendar)'
, 'dateadd(qq, datediff(qq, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next quarter (Calendar)'
, 'dateadd(qq, datediff(qq, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous quarter (Calendar)'
, 'dateadd(yy, datediff(yy, 0, @ThisDate), 0)' as 'Beginning of this year'
, 'dateadd(yy, datediff(yy, 0, @ThisDate) + 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of next year'
, 'dateadd(yy, datediff(yy, 0, @ThisDate) - 1, 0)' as 'Beginning of previous year'
...huh. Do you have any idea how many times I've explained how using the two functions together works to someone? And how much of my life I now know is wasted, because you created this lovely thing that I could just pass along and tell people to feed data into? I hate you.
Sean, did you pull that from Lynn's blog post?
When 'splaining it, I usually just hit Lynn's blog post on the subject.
Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
Learn Extended Events
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