Quite a few folks have commented about my previous post about missing the PASS Summit, whether publicly or in private. It's hard to keep track of everybody who has, so this is a blanket blog post that explains what the doctors are concerned about.

The condition that raised the red flag is this one: Monoamniotic-Monochrionic twins (MoMo twins).

During the 20 week ultrasound, the fact that there were twins caught everyone by surprise. But as they investigated, they could not see a membrane between the two. And that raises the question of whether or not they are MoMo twins or not. As a result, we've gotten a referral to specialist doctors at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine. It'll be a three-hour ultrasound, with better equipment, mind you. We went through the same thing with our now four year-old daughter, so we at least know what to expect. It's entirely possible that the membrane is there, then the risks go down quite a bit. There are still risks because there's one placenta, but it's less than with MoMo twins.

Because we didn't know when the referral would come, I ended up cancelling out of all the PASS Summit. We figured it would be next week and on Tuesday we were notified that it would be for next Tuesday. However, my wife has been in a lot of pain and her feet and ankles have been swelling badly, so she asked if they could work her in sooner. Yesterday they called back and we've got an appointment for Friday. The good news is that at least by the end of it we'll be more certain as to what's going on and what the path is. The bad news is that last weekend was rough on her and I don't see it getting much better any time soon. So I'm really concerned about her and me and the boys (11 and 10) are doing what all we can to take on additional responsibilities and let her rest more.

Last night was a struggle for me. I was up again because of my sleep habits (or lack thereof) and I spent a lot of time thinking about the situation, the possibilities, how to prepare for them, etc. And while I was able to walk through things logically, I was and still am worried. That's reality and I know that's normal. I ended up penning a poem to kind of get out how I feel. I'll include it here in case it might be a help to others. It is intentionally written like a psalm. The reference to the father and son in the second stanza is from Mark 9.

I Call Out to You, Lord

Lord, I can't hide from You my heart.
I'm worried and I'm scared.
I don't know what is to come.
I know the tighter I try to hold on,
The more I fool myself with a lie.

I know the answer is to trust.
I'm to lean on my faith in You.
But knowing and doing are not the same.
So I call out to You like that father
Who sought healing for his son.

Father, help me to be strong.
Guide my thinking and my focus.
Let me look to You and You alone.
For I need to gaze upon You now
So I will not falter and fall.

Let me be filled with compassion
And be a Spirit-led father and husband.
Allow me to act with Your wisdom,
Touch with Your love and understanding,
And be a source of peace to my family.

I offer my troubles to You, O God.
Bear them away from me with haste.
Let me see Your goodness and mercy.
Show me Your beloved face
So I may forge on with faith and hope.

I yield to You now, my Strength and my Shield.
I put my heart before You.
Lift me up and comfort me today.
For I cannot attain peace without You.
Nor give it to the ones I love so much.