As an architect, I’m always trying to improve my soft skills. A lot of my job involves guiding others to develop and deploy sound technical architectures and sometimes there is disagreement. If it’s a matter of preference, then my typical approach is to let the group run with what they’re thinking. However, there are cases when a particular design is in conflict with one or more architectural principles, uses components which are outside of the organization’s reference architecture, or are not a proper implementation to meet the requirements. In these cases, it’s important to get to an agreement on a sound architecture, which means getting the group on-board with the needed changes to said design.
As a result, I picked up Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator. Given what I do, I realized that a lot of the time I’m effectively engaged in a negotiation. I had read reviews of this book and decided to give it a read. I definitely recommend it as a good resource for getting to agreement. As the author, Chris Voss, points out, it’s not just for FBI hostage negotiations. He has used the techniques he covers with his own kids. When I mentioned it to an IT auditor who was attending a class I was teaching, he said he had used the techniques effectively on his children, too. Why do I mention children? Simply to reinforce the point that this book doesn’t just apply to the professional sphere. I like resources that I can use in more than just a professional setting.
So what makes this book a great resource? First, Voss cites examples, especially his own failures and what he learned from them. Second, the author isn’t light on where academic research is helpful. This isn’t just a book based on his own experiences. Speaking of experiences, he does indicate when he encountered a difference between what the academic recommendations and professional experience from the field came into conflict and why he sided with professional experience. Third, this book provides specific processes to use, mindsets and assumptions to watch out for, and gives the answer to why for all of these things. I like when an author answers the, “Why?” question.
When I read through it, I had some of my own assumptions upended. Chris Voss does a great job of indicating what the typical thought or expectation is for a given situation or scenario and why that assumption is wrong. For instance, an easy to make assumption during a negotiation is if you can logically work through something with the other person, you’ll be better off. Except most people are still illogical, even when trying to be logical. Another assumption is I want to get to a “yes” in my negotiation. Voss not only explains why that isn’t true, but also why that might be a key warning sign that the negotiation is not going well.
Never Split the Difference is on my bookshelf of recommendations for any and every technical worker. This is one resource that can greatly increase anyone’s soft skills, regardless of how experienced one is.
Note: When I was teaching the Certified Information Systems Auditor (CISA) course in November 2024, I mentioned a couple of books that reinforced the concepts mentioned in the training. One of the attendees suggested I come up with a “bookshelf” of recommended books. As I encounter professional books I think might be of interest to others, I’ll suggest them here. Where possible, I’ll link back to the author’s or book’s page.
As a selfless plug, be sure to check your local library first. If you decide that you want your own copy, you can always purchase it later. The more we support our libraries, the more services they can provide for their respective communities.