A Christmas Carol

It was Christmas Day in the workhouse
but no-one was able to smile.
The systems had crashed and 12 hrs had passed
since the start of the latest compile

The SQL code was all buggy
and Java would load but not run
and Ruby-on-Rails demonstrably failed
on every platform but the Sun

The techies had quit
declaring it Sh*t
and the managers griped and they wailed
'Would no-one step up and fix this sick pup'
The answer was 'Do it yourselves'

So the leader of sales
a dude from West Wales
grabbed the technical manuals and sat
poring over the specs - he really was vexed
and smoke coming out of his hat.

Then Eureka he shouted, his assistant he clouted
and both sprang up with a start.
'We're running V-3 he shouted with glee
It doesnt support Shopping Cart

Then he logged in ADMIN
and he started to grin
and set it for Shopping cart - NO_ONE
The pages now said
Dial 800 instead and we'll take down your order by pho-un

Oh you scoff and you laugh at this obvious gaffe
If sys admin was you and not me
When V-5 was V-4 and ran same as before
Cos you tested it well on V-3

But me is not you
You don't work where I do
In a place where to shine is a sh*t
Our masters one dream is to holler and scream
So we care for QA not one whit

And we find day to day
the malevolent way
To code and obscurely comment
and pray for his next scuba diving
to wear flippers made of cement

May he drive his little dune buggy
over hilly and sandy vall-ee
cos I put all my sugar in his petroleum bugger
instead of my coffee - hee hee

Merry Christmas one and all !