50 Ways to Confuse, Worry, or just Scare the Bejeezus out of People in

the Computer Lab

Giving Credit where Credit is Due: My TA for Engineering Concepts, Dan Kerchner

sent this to me. Thanks, Dan.

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh

   my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look

   suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you

   can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5

   minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen

   than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the

   highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on

   the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon

   files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say

    "Just in case..." mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything

    bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're

    crazy while typing.

14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees.

    Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray

    "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if

    you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by

    hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps

    Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your

    monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that

    women (men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it

    doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the

    smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two

    days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for

    a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to

    grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to

    let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let

    them linger.

27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them

    and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk

    and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them

    of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the

    monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this.

    Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue

    working.

32. Bring som dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key

    is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire

    pape this way.

34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if

    I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old

    ways are best.

38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see

    that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't

    affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several

    times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key

    work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep

    doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then,

    suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this

    whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and

    leave.

40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and

    complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some

    Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out

    laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and

    leave, howling as you go.

42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand

    gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell

    "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and

    say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like

    you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they geta chance to figure out

    you're a total stranger.

45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.

    Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead

    doesn't work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in

    your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim

    "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence.

    As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then

    the computer assistant, and walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit

    down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev

    that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that

    computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".

50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
    Note: Tesla Coil - an air-core transformer used to produce high

    voltages of high-frequency alternating currents.

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