Oxymorons!Fun on a Friday

  • Ok, so what phrases/catchphrases/oxymorons just make you crack up every time you hear them? For me these days, it's when a VP in my company asks me for "business intelligence". HA!

    Anyone else?

  • Until I come up with a better one, it is "the problem has fixed itself"

  • "Near Miss"

    [font="Times New Roman"]-- RBarryYoung[/font], [font="Times New Roman"] (302)375-0451[/font] blog: MovingSQL.com, Twitter: @RBarryYoung[font="Arial Black"]
    Proactive Performance Solutions, Inc.
    [/font]
    [font="Verdana"] "Performance is our middle name."[/font]

  • "The network has issues"

    Networks don't have issues, they have problems. Magazines have issues (weekly or monthly).

    Though, given the state of the network, hinting that in only worked properly once a week may have been a compliment.

    Gail Shaw
    Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, MVP, M.Sc (Comp Sci)
    SQL In The Wild: Discussions on DB performance with occasional diversions into recoverability

    We walk in the dark places no others will enter
    We stand on the bridge and no one may pass
  • "Customer Service" ..although there are some companies that DO know how to do this.

    Original author: https://github.com/SQL-FineBuild/Common/wiki/ 1-click install and best practice configuration of SQL Server 2019, 2017 2016, 2014, 2012, 2008 R2, 2008 and 2005.

    When I give food to the poor they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor they call me a communist - Archbishop Hélder Câmara

  • Jumbo shrimp

    I used to work in a building owned by Oxy Petroleum...a anti-social yet funny co-worker of mine called their employees Oxy morons...

  • The one I'll never understand is when someone gives 110%, or 120% or anything over 100%...

    If you're going to exaggerate, at least do it in style... "Today, I'm going to give 325%, that's right three and a quarter times that of everyone else!"

    Although it'd be nice to hear some honesty every now and again too.... "It's Friday, it's ten past five and I'm going to give it 40% for the last twenty minutes"

    😀



    Ade

    A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
    For detail-enriched answers, ask detail-enriched questions...[/url]

  • My personal favourite is "Corporate Responsibility", as if we should all believe that the CEO will always put the needs of one above the needs of the shareholders.

    Do not write in this space.

  • Adrian Nichols (8/21/2008)


    If you're going to exaggerate, at least do it in style... "Today, I'm going to give 325%, that's right three and a quarter times that of everyone else!"

    Technically, what it means is "three and a quarter times what I am actaully capable of", which makes its duplicity (and stupidity) even more apparent.

    [font="Times New Roman"]-- RBarryYoung[/font], [font="Times New Roman"] (302)375-0451[/font] blog: MovingSQL.com, Twitter: @RBarryYoung[font="Arial Black"]
    Proactive Performance Solutions, Inc.
    [/font]
    [font="Verdana"] "Performance is our middle name."[/font]

  • Not an oxymoron, but I cracked up when a consultant used "we will reach out to you" to mean they would email the meeting minutes.

  • Similar to an earlier post, but how about "police intelligence" or "military intelligence".

    If I was cynical I'd suspect that no managers are contributing to this thread, otherwise there would be about 20 pages of it. Or perhaps managers just don't do irony!

  • developer6 - police intelligence

    I'd have to agree! Wasn't one of the latest Big Foot conspirators a police officer??? :crazy:



    Ade

    A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
    For detail-enriched answers, ask detail-enriched questions...[/url]

  • Back when I used to work in Artificial Intelligence we used tell a couple of one-liners that we actually made into pins to wear at conventions:

    "Artificial Intelligence: It's better than Natural Stupidity!"

    and:

    "I'd rather have Artificial Intelligence than no intelligence at all!"

    🙂

    [font="Times New Roman"]-- RBarryYoung[/font], [font="Times New Roman"] (302)375-0451[/font] blog: MovingSQL.com, Twitter: @RBarryYoung[font="Arial Black"]
    Proactive Performance Solutions, Inc.
    [/font]
    [font="Verdana"] "Performance is our middle name."[/font]

  • I'm very cynical on this one.....especially because of some of my vendors (i.e. consultants) but "valued partnership" always makes me shake my head.

  • rbarryyoung (8/21/2008)


    Adrian Nichols (8/21/2008)


    If you're going to exaggerate, at least do it in style... "Today, I'm going to give 325%, that's right three and a quarter times that of everyone else!"

    Technically, what it means is "three and a quarter times what I am actaully capable of", which makes its duplicity (and stupidity) even more apparent.

    True - but it's a GREAT way to tell your boss you got 8 hours' worth of work done...by 10:30AM...:)

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part...unless you're my manager...or a director and above...or a really loud-spoken end-user..All right - what was my emergency again?

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