Burnt Out
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No matter if you are a SQL developer or DBA, I am sure you get burnt out sometimes. What do you do? Find another job ? What if there is nobody (no co-works, no friends, no sigfinance others) to release your stress, I know it is pathetic, have you been there?
What do you do?
I changed a lot of jobs, however it seemed I could never retain any friendship in any company. Do I have a problem?
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I golf, so I go to driving range and put my frustration into hitting golf balls. When I get in a rut, I try to learn something new that will help me in my life. I am currently finishing up my bachelors degree. After that, I will be taking web design courses. My wife has her own business and website and I will take over maintaining it in my free time.
Now about friendship issues. It's easy to put down people, look down one's nose at others, stab people in the back, etc. Not that you are doing any of that. One thing I always keep in mind is that if I irritate a coworker enough, THEY might go look for a job elsewhere and then I have to their work. Makes me more tolerant. Now, I don't know you and I don't know your work dynamics. But have you considered sitting down in private with someone and asking them if there's anything irritating about you? Maybe you monopolize all the conversations (I used to have that issue until someone pointed it out to me). Maybe you are always right. Maybe it's something else that you aren't aware of that keeps your friendships from continuing. We can't help you with that..........
Something else I have learned over the years....we precipitate who and what we are. You call yourself Loner and you are. Start putting out better 'vibes' about yourself. I didn't select the handle 'sqlbill' because I use SQL. I chose that because I want to be the best I can be with SQL.
-SQLBill
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I try to keep work in perspective and make the other parts of my life more important. Kids, spouse, hobbies, all are a good way to get away from the office. It's good to turn your phone off some weekends and just ignore work.
The other thing is that I don't take jobs for the challenge. I take jobs working for people I want to work for and with whom I want to work. That definitely helps.
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A lot of the folks I know with technology careers, including myself, tend to be more self-contained than the average person. It does tend to make times of stress seem more stressful, since there are fewer opportunities for the interpersonal interactions that share the burden and help to wipe away the dark clouds.
If you've got any outside interests (even marginal ones), you might try diving into those for a while and connecting with some other folks who share that focus. It helps get you out of 'work mode' and may establish connections that are easier to maintain, because they're infrequent, than connections with people at work tend to be.
Do something you haven't done in a while. Just breaking the pattern can go a long way to achieving rejuvenation. I'm not a big baseball fan, but when I'm really down, I grab tickets to the minor league team here in Tacoma ( the Rainiers) and spend a day at the ballpark just reliving parts of my youth and getting excited about the home team.
And then again, I might be wrong ...
David Webb -
David,
And minor league baseball is SO much more fun to watch than the major leagues. Back in Maryland, my wife and I went to Bowie Baysox games and really enjoyed them, but only once saw the Baltimore Orioles play.
-SQLBill
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(I changed a lot of jobs, however it seemed I could never retain any friendship in any company. Do I have a problem?)
No you don't have a problem you are a skilled woman, people don't make friends with people they see as a threat to their position. Take a vacation I am in the same situation and I am a contractor so if I take off it is on me. The first team I was assigned to tried to end my contract I told the employer they are not happy the company is moving to .NET so they are trying to destroy the project and I had proof.
My contract was retained but I was moved to a team where code is due in one week without requirements or design, but the systems people in the team just get paid without working because in two weeks our SQL Server is down twice. I have learned people create chaos for you to cover up their short comings, that server is full of crappy T-SQL written by the developers but no body sees a problem so I just pretend it is not there.
Politics keeps incompetent men employed for life while useless nonsense is created to frustrate and confuse you, do your best to ignore it if you can. Today at the end of the day I was told my report was not behaving according to specification, I told the developer, I had three lines of description there was no specification they are making it up and I will ask for time to give them what they want and I am not scared.
Kind regards,
Gift Peddie -
For about 20 weeks out of the year (10 weeks in fall and 10 weeks in spring) I get out of the office and do something totally different, I am certified Soccer Referee and officiate youth and high school soccer games. It is not technical, and I love working with the kids in this environment, and it takes me away from worrying about my day to day job that pays the bills.
Not saying I don't like what I do, I have been in the IT field almost 30 years now and I enjoy it. Sometimes, though, you just have to step away and do something different.
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Hi Loner,
Please take this as written with the best intentions.
I've read most of your posts on here particularly in the editorial section and something that has always struck me is you do seem to be very critical of those people you have worked with.
There is absolutley nothing wrong with having exacting standards but something i have learned the hard way is "you can't make people behave like you would". In other words no matter how inspirational you may be, no matter how great a leader there are some people who will not change. This can lead to frustration and resentment and that can lead to poor working relations. Acceptance of other people, their limitations and their gifts - for jealousy is the other side of this coin - and acceptance that all one can do is follow one's own path can make life a lot more pleasurable and work a lot more bearable.
This is purely trying to read between the lines forgive me if i have misinterpretted the text.
Karma.
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Karma,
You are right. I am a perfectionist. I try my best to do everything in the best way. When I see some develeopers writing lousy codes, the system behaves strange, nobody cares. The management do not care about their employees and it seems to me they do not even know who is the good developer and who is not. I get very frustrated.
Sometimes I have to fixed some other people mistakes, rewrite their spagetti codes, and they get the promotion, this makes me even more angry.
Maybe that's why I got burnt out so easy.
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I try to look at both sides of situations in order to try to find a win-win attitude where both myself and whoever I'm talking to can walk away at least holding our heads up high and "happy" about the situation.
Needless to say, this doesn't always work, especially when I get an operations manager who refuses to type 35 numbers that he wants into a spreadsheet and instead insists that I write a report (which he by habit has to go back and compare against the very data that I'm asking him to just type in) due to him wanting the information simply handed to him.
In regards to promotions,etc I'd love to know how that worked. I've been the only IT person (400+ users) in my company for just shy of 10 years. I've helped it grow from 35 people to over 400 and never been part of a team, etc. And at the end of the day, not having anyone who can at least discuss with me the frustrations of what I do is what causes me to get burnt.
But as other people have said, I've just gotten to the point where I stop trying to do everything. I get paid for 40 hours a week, I work those 40 hours a week, on my off time, I'm working on MS Certs, finishing up a bachelor degree. And once those are complete it's my intent to get a masters in either business or database design (still up in the air yet).
However I do know that if/when I ever go to get a new job, Steve's advice is probably the absolute best piece I think I've ever seen someone type:
"The other thing is that I don't take jobs for the challenge. I take jobs working for people I want to work for and with whom I want to work. That definitely helps."
Challenges are great, but if you hate the guy sitting next to you, the challenge is simply a trial by fire where everyone is playing the CYA game, instead of working as part of a team where at the end of the day EVERYONE looks good, or NOBODY looks good.
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I think we all get burnt out from time to time. As others have said, find something to do for fun. For me this comes in the way of going to the range and shoot for a few hours. Or in the winter time play video games (nothing like some good PvP action to release some stress).
Or I do something amazing. Go on vacation! That only happens every few years though
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Hi,
I'm a realist perfectionist, I’d love to do everything perfectly but I realise I never will
However I do have exacting standards when it comes to professional behavior and that has consequently led to me becoming seriously unhappy. I've think I might have finally found a place in my head where I can reconcile the conflict. Eventually I want to run my own business; as much as I enjoy IT my real passion in work is to understand how a business actually functions. I kid myself that when I’m finally in charge I will do things my way; the reality of course will be somewhat different. I've been working 12 years now and my current job - that i will have had a year tomorrow - is the first that I’ve actually enjoyed especially having worked for 5 years for a public body that made me feel absolutely worthless. If there was anything I took away from that experience it was never stay anywhere your unhappy life is far to precious and short.
Karma
PS
My brother Tom is going to run a half marathon next month - first time too. Tom is good friends with a chap called David and David's brother Jim. Jim was the first British soldier to die in the Afghanistan war. David and his family set up a charity in Jim's name and that is who my brother is running for. I genuinely am not given to a great deal of introspection but I took the time to read the website and it truly made me take a good look at what I thought were the priorities and worries in my life, they really don't amount to a lot.
I hope you get things sorted for yourself.
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There is only one thing that you can change about the weather - that is how you perceive it. Being 'burnt out' is the same thing. Do not say or think that I am 'burnt out'. Try thinking I need a slight change. There are lots of simple and inexpensive (some free) things one can do just to break things up and help restore you on the inside. Walking, jogging, running, cycling, reading. Go to the zoo, museum, park, the movies, a play. Take a weekend trip to a bed and breakfast. Do something, anything really, to help you mind clear. Try to think positively about every aspect of things. If that does not work then try to think even more negatively about what you are thinking about. By knowing things can always get worse you may find some positives.
RegardsRudy KomacsarSenior Database Administrator"Ave Caesar! - Morituri te salutamus."
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I don't necessarily think that you have to make friends at your job. Heaven knows, there are a lot of people who, when they leave a company, never talk to their ex-coworkers again. But you should at least make yourself acquainted with them and be able to discuss things (work related or non-work related) in a casual and civil manner.
But before you can do that, you also have to find a work environment that you enjoy. I've had the bad experience of working a job I disliked and that dislike rubbed off on everything I did, said, etc. Fortunately, I got out before I got fired. It was the last customer service level job I had before I got into IT.
So the question here is, do you actually like what you're doing and where you're working? If you fell into IT and do it because it's what you know and not necessarily what you want, then you should closely examine what it is you do want in your life. IT is a horrible choice for people who don't enjoy the work. You seem to have first hand experience with the personality clashes and the politics, and for those who hate their jobs, that stuff is just impossible to deal with. Burn out only seems to come more quickly in such circumstances and only makes you sick with stress.
I find if I enjoy the work I'm doing, I get less stressed out then if I hate it. Also, physical activity, such as walking in the evenings after work, helps keep my personal stress level down. Lastly, in my current job, we do a lot of team events, such as team lunches or the occasional pool/billards contest. Most of us talk about work at these events, but as we talk, we find little threads of commonality to bind ourselves together with. It doesn't have to be much, and we don't have to be best friends, but it does help with our at-work teamwork and keeps us from getting burnt out as quickly. And then when we do get burnt out, working from home or taking a "mental health day" is a welcome relief.
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For me, it definitely depends on what's causing me to feel burnt out. If it's just the project I'm working on, I go for a walk and pull myself away from the problem, at least to try to regroup my thoughts. I've got a musical core, so I listen to music to help bring me back to some sort of inner peace. But if it's a long burn, one that I can't seem to shake, no matter what I try, then I really have to find the cause and do what I can to get past it. Last major burn out, I realized that the manufacturing industry wasn't right for me, and the only thing I could do to get away from that burn was to change jobs. I've been in this new job for over a month, and I found instant change when I started here. My husband noticed that there've been a lot more days of a happier me than a stressed out/burnt out me.
If there isn't someone you can turn to, is there at least a hobby you can resort to?
Sometimes, taking a vacation day or two to enjoy your hobbies and regroup your thoughts helps lessen that burnt out feeling.
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