As I start this editorial, I am sitting at a PostgreSQL conference in New York City during the nighttime reception. The sound of 100 voices is not quite deafening, but it is certainly loud and understanding anyone in this group would be hard.

It is also hard because I only know about four people at this conference well enough to hold a conversation.

If you know me, you may think I am a loud, boisterous person, and I absolutely can be. Once I get to know a person or two in a group, I rarely stop talking, and I always have an opinion (for better or worse depending on the situation). Actually though, I am pretty introverted until the ice is broken, which is not terrible difficult when in a group where I have something directly in common with people.

You’re at a database conference, what more do you need?

The key here is something “directly in common”. Here at a PostgreSQL conference, I have a LOT of indirect commonalities with all of the people. The basics of relational databases is very similar between all platforms. Dr Codd set it up this way for a reason (actually at least 12 very specific reasons). The most important part of this goal was to create this common data abstraction that would let databases, and their users not spend a lot of time relearning everything to go from platform to platform. But as any reader of this website and my articles probably knows, there are a lot of differences between PostgreSQL and SQL Server, especially in the stuff that Codd left alone (like indexes and physical storage).

So, getting into most conversations at a conference like this means while I can listen in on conversations, and may actually understand most of the principles that are being discussed, I am also a novice at how and why PostgreSQL works as it does, especially at the internal level. So as an extroverted introvert, I spend a lot more time listening until I feel comfortable to speak. I eventually found a few conversations and met some new people though the few people I knew, but a lot of that is that I have learned to force myself to do this. In my first years of going to conferences (even as a speaker!) I didn’t really meet anyone until I made a few friends and finally started to expand my community.

Just listening in and horning into other conversations feels really hard.

I spent some time thinking about why this is (for me), and it comes down to not wanting to seem dumb. I asked a question in a session, and I was corrected because I used a term in a way that the speaker found too improper, kind of like you might in a college class or when tech editing a book. I might have said the same thing there, but her it wasn’t that big of a deal.

All of this means missing out on a lot of quality conversations and meeting new people.

This is an editorial, so what is the opinion?

Do what you can to help newbies get along without making it seem too forced. When I was at THAT Conference earlier this year, there was a big emphasis on networking. I was probably asked “what was my favorite session” 15 times over 5 days. Most of the time this was from people who weren’t really involved with technology directly, but it did start several conversations where we discovered common opinions and topics to talk about. I was not really that enthusiastic about this kind of interaction most of the time, because it didn’t always feel very authentic (especially when in the context of people who weren’t also going to sessions). A few times a felt like I was going on about something the person really didn’t want to hear or understand.

On the other hand, there were Open Spaces where we registered topics we wanted to talk about, and people gathered and spoke. I did one with Steve Jones on writing and it was quite nice. The idea is that you have areas set up, and you let people pick their own topics. There were a few really odd sessions that seemed out of bounds for a conference like this (like politics… but I did learn some cool stuff from the photography one). For the most part it was a great way to break the ice and find other people who want to share something interesting.

At the PASS Summit most years, there is a Birds of a Feather event which is similar, but the topics are pre-vetted. In either case, if you are at a conference where there are things like this, drop by and check it out.

The big opinion, try to find ways to get connected to people at a conference, and even more importantly, when you are running a conference, try to find ways to get people to connect to one another in an authentic manner. Lifetime memories will be made, and lifetime friend too.

Final bit of honesty

Do I know how to do this? Of course not, in fact, as the title of this article foreshadowed, I will actually dread the whole process. But every time I get involved it is always worth it.