This month’s Meme Monday is “dumb SQL questions”.  Here’s the one that gets under my skin the most these days:

Let me explain this again...

Our databases are starting to get really big. When should we think about moving them to Oracle?

No. No, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO.  Microsoft SQL Server is not Notepad. It’s not Access. It’s not Excel. It’s not a toy. It is a full fledged, enterprise ready relational database server. It’s all grown up and has its big boy boots on. It can handle it, you go right ahead.

Futhermore, the performance issues you see with your databases aren’t due to the incredible growth you’re seeing, oh no no. Your performance issues stem from bad code, badly designed vendor databases, badly maintained (or outright neglected) servers and DBs, and your own general lack of caring. In short, issues that will not go away by attempting to port to a whole other platform.

Bonus points: Said databases are fewer than 10, and smaller than 15 Gb apiece.

Now, behave yourself, and don’t make me explain it again.

-Jen