Pick on Windows Poll
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Another Friday, this time looking for some answers on the lighter side of things.
I'm a fairly regular reader of Slashdot, at least scanning the headlines 2-3 times a week for something interesting. There are some very interesting stories I've found on there that Google News, Yahoo, MSN, etc. don't pick up on. It's also a place that tends to attract those folks that hate Windows, Microsoft, and basically anything not open and free. For better or worse, that's mostly what I see there.
While reading recently a discussion on nuclear reactors, which by the way was very interesting and some smart people posted there, I saw a sig line that caught me eye and gave me the idea for this question:
What's the Funniest Quote That Mocks Windows?
Or really any Microsoft product. I'll start with the one that inspired this poll:
Windows is like decaf - it tastes like the real thing, but it won't get you through the day. - From dorkygeek
That one got a smile from me, but I'm sure you've got some good ones. So join in and take some shots at the products we make a living on: Windows and SQL Server
Steve Jones
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How about car analogies?
"Using Windows is like driving a Model T."
People initially had to be able and willing to change tires in knee-deep mud (bad roads; first pneumatic tires were like big bike tires), be adequate mechanics (carburetors SUCKED until Venturi jets were developed), and have a good, strong arm...
Maybe Windows isn't all that bad, but it does not even compare well (vs MacOS experience) with the experience of driving a 1963 Ford Falcon vs a 2001 Honda Odyssey. Remember those great Ford vacuum-powered wipers?
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Windows for Warehouses? Shortly after the release of Windows for Workgroups.
Then there was a Geordie version of Windows.
For those of you who don't know what Geordies are, they are from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England and have a dialect unique in the British Isles.
One of my favourite quotes was regarding the Atari marketing department
If Atari was to sell Kentucky Fried Chicken they would market it as warm dead bird.
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It may be old but it is still valid...
"SQL Server is wonderful... it inherits all the scalability, reliability and security of Windows"
Original author: https://github.com/SQL-FineBuild/Common/wiki/ 1-click install and best practice configuration of SQL Server 2019, 2017 2016, 2014, 2012, 2008 R2, 2008 and 2005.
When I give food to the poor they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor they call me a communist - Archbishop Hélder Câmara
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Windows is like stock car racing; only with more crashes.
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We are Microsoft. You will be assimilated into the collective. Resistance is futile!
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I don't know if this is true or not but I heard that Steve Ballmer was giving an interview and the interviewer asked him why more movie graphics were done on Linux than on Windows. Steve replied that the Windows platform was fantastic for making movie graphics and was at the forefront of the industry. The interviewer then said, "I've heard Microsoft does a lot with Blue Screens."
Reportedly, Ballmer stormed out of the interview.
-- J.T.
"I may not always know what I'm talking about, and you may not either."
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I can't remember where I heard this but:
"In a world that is open, who needs Gates and Windows"
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Windows Haiku error messages:
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Aborted effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank
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-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers --
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Microsoft has agreed to sell advertising space to Budweiser on the Blue Screen of Death
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The best I've heard was from one of Microsoft's own people about a rumor, "There is enough bad stuff about Microsoft, we don't need to make stuff up too."
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A couple of good ones I stumbled across...
Saying that XP is the most stable MS OS is like saying that asparagus is the most articulate vegetable. (Dave Barry)
I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn't need an interpreter. (Nicholas Petreley)
Happy Friday everyone! 
My hovercraft is full of eels.
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MCSE - Minesweeper consultant, solitaire expert
MCSE - Minimal Computing Skills Expected
Michelle -
This is a tag line/signature from a really helpful person in one of my favorite forums:
"If a person is Microsoft Certified, does that mean that Microsoft pays the bills for the funny white jackets that tie in the back???"
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Q. How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. They don't change it. They declare darkness to be the new standard.
keith
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