You say there must be an easier way, and of course there is
- use the standard, no-cost, MSSQL utilities and tools that normal mortals use
MSSQL does cater for VLDB's and big enterprises down to simple Express (OK so no SQLAgent)
- why try to re-invent the wheel ??
There are several valid, debugged, stable ways to split databases by FileGroup, partitioning etc
- all industry-strength
Ditto you can have multiple servers in a cluster and/or MSX/TSX to harness multiple resources
by re-inventing the MS-standard tools you are painting yourself into a maintenance headache corner
- give yourself a break and join the Borg like the rest of us zombies !
HTH
Dick